What if Jennifer Holliday cross-examined Corona?

[Holo is a satirical blogger. He also interviews Twitter personalities via the hashtags #in140char (“Twitterviews” with journalists and celebrities) and #TweetConPH (Social media conference with policymakers and advocates). You may follow his account on Twitter: @I_amHolo.]

 

 

 

 

 

MANILA, Philippines – Chief Justice Corona was tried for the right reasons at the right time but in the wrong place by the wrong people. The prosecutors didn’t have the balls to grill Corona. The senator-judges were as disappointing. 

Corona should have appeared in the American Idol instead. And if Filipina singer Jessica Sanchez’s duet partner Jennifer Holliday was the prosecutor, the Grammy Award-winning singer could have slayed the cross-examination. No truth is concealed from her regurgitation. And no lie escapes her facial expression. 

Judging by Jennifer Holliday’s American Idol performance, here’s how Holliday would conduct a swift cross-examination that would expedite the impeachment trial. Then we could move on with our lives and hold P-Noy and the legislators accountable for their own sins – for boring us for 5 months above all.

Jennifer Holliday grills Corona

The Secretary General:  Case No. 002-2011. In the matter of the impeachment trial of the Honorable Chief Justice Renato C. Corona. 

Presiding justice Juan Ponce Enrile: Appearances.  Majority Floor Leader.

Sen. Vicente Sotto III: Yes, may we ask the respective counsels to enter their appearances.

Rep. Niel Tupas: Good afternoon, Your Honor. My voice is paos, so on behalf of the prosecution panel of the House of Rerpresentatives, we call on private prosecutor Jennifer Holliday.

(Prosecutor Jennifer Holliday wastes no time, goes ballistic) 

Prosecutor Jennifer Holliday: And I am telling you: You are resigning!

Chief Justice Renato Corona:

No, no, no, no way I’m leaving without Noy (Bastos siya, ha ha) 

I’m not falling without Noy (Malaswa siya, ha ha!)

I don’t wanna resign

I’m staying

I’m staying

And you, and you

You’re gonna love me, hu hu hu hu 

You’re gonna love me

Prosecutor Jennifer Holliday:

And I am telling you

You are going

Even though your dry tears are showing

There’s just no way, there’s no way

We’re not part of the same party

We’re not part of the same time

You and Gloria share the same blood

You and Gloria have the same mind

CJ Corona:

No, no, no, no, no, no way

I’m not falling tomorrow morning and finding that there’s nobody there

Tear down the waivers

Yell, scream and shout like you can say what you want

I’m not walking out

Stop all the rivers, push, strike and kill

I’m not gonna leave you

There’s no way I will…

Prosecutor Holliday: And I am telling you… (Rushes to Corona, tilts head, and starts to contort face with mouth open wide)

Defense counsel and ex-Supreme Court Justice Serafin Cuevas: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecutor is harassing the Chief Justice.

Sen. Enrile: Jennifer, we are trying to be liberal here but your are devouring the Chief Justice. 

Defense calls for a break. Photo op with the Basas.

 

Impeachment trial resumes. Prosecutor Holliday continues cross.  

On Corona’s hypoglycemia

 

On Corona’s dollar accounts

 

On Corona’s academic record 

 

On the impact of the #CoronaTrial on judicial independence

On the unconditional waiver

– Rappler.com

Original photo of Corona signing the waiver by Senate pool. Jennifer Holliday photos are screen shots from her American Idol performance. Holo also thanks Ernest John Fiestan for helping him execute his irreverence graphically. Make your own meme now! 🙂 

Click on the links below for more.

• Why prosecutors see a Corona conviction
• Why the defense sees Corona acquittal
• Corona verdict: 5 issues for senator-judges
• Pinoys await ‘Coronavela’ finale
• New CA justices named