A toast to Margarita Holmes’ 25 years of ‘Life, Love, Lust’

MANILA, Philippines – Every Tuesday or Wednesday, I eagerly await the email that always pops up in my inbox, like clockwork – “This week’s Two Pronged,” sometimes reads the subject line. 

It’s a preview, an early look at the column we’ll be publishing on Sunday. And often, it sticks out like a neon sign in my inbox: “Email 1 – Email 2 – HORNY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR – Email 3 – Email 4.” 

And while the headline is always entertaining, it’s the story that really grabs you – someone pours his heart out to clinical psychologist Margarita Holmes and her husband Jeremy Baer. Jeremy and Margie, or “Doc Marge,” as we fondly call her, address the problem with their own unique perspectives – and sometimes, more questions of their own. 

Some of the situations have our readers voting “amused” on the Mood Meter – such as the one where a woman named Anna lusts after her tennis coach, or the aforementioned horny knight in shining armor.

Others hit close to home, with many readers weighing in on what the letter-writer should and shouldn’t do – as with the lady who worried about a boyfriend who became her “friend with benefit.” Some have so many comments that these are discussed further in a follow-up by Doc Marge, in a solo column called Clinical Notes. 

Still others tackle difficult and often frightening situations like physical and emotional abuse, suicidal thoughts in young people, or physical attraction to one’s employee. 

There’s no judgment, no leading statements, and no holding back – so the resulting discussion is comprehensive. Doc Marge provides a soft touch, but with brisk professionalism that comes with years of training in clinical psychology. 

Reading Life Love Lust: Straightforward Answers to Provocative Questions yields much the same experience. The problems tackled don’t skimp on details – it all hangs out, and that bravery is rewarded by an equally straightforward assessment of the situation. (READ: Lessons on ‘Life, Love, Lust’ from Dr Margarita Holmes) 

The groundbreaking 1990 book that openly spoke about topics then considered taboo – sex, masturbation, fetishes, and the like – is now being re-released as a special 25th anniversary edition. And though much has changed in 25 years, that strong, compassionate voice is as loud and as relevant as ever. 

In this new edition can be found a number of Rappler’s Two Pronged stories plus material from Jeremy, who complements Doc Marge’s style. 

There’s also a new chapter called “Life Love Lust in the Twenty-first Century,” tackling issues that have come closer to the surface in recent years – greater awareness, for example, of LGBT rights, and the impact of the digital revolution. 

But as Doc Marge points out in her preface, the commitment to addressing controversial topics remains unchanged. 

“Twenty-five years ago it was about swallowing semen, having anal sex, and debunking the myth that homosexuality was a disease,” she writes. 

“Today it is about whether sexual addicton is a reality or merely an attempt to judge people who have more sex than you, if Internet pornography causes far more damage than pornography you had to rent or go to the movies for, the possibility of same sex marriage.”

Back in the 1990, few authors would talk about these topics loud and clear. 

“Most were enthusiastic but in several quarters 25 years ago, a few received LLL with something approaching horror. It was denounced by priests and pundits as a threat to decency and morality. I was threatened with court cases, accused of being a nymphomaniac, of being a mere psychologist masquerading as a real doctor, and of being a bad influence for the youth by the then chairman of the Board of Censors,” Doc Marge writes. 

Thankfully, that didn’t stop Anvil from publishing the book, and today, 25 years later, we see the reissue of a volume that will be an important part of Doc Marge’s legacy. Inclusiveness, tolerance, and understanding – wrapped up in a cheeky, saucy, and very engaging package by Doc Marge and Jeremy. 

Take, for example, the plight of one Manoling, who wrote to Doc Marge: “How do you feel about men masturbating in moviehouses?” 

Carefully, Doc Marge explains that it’s similar to “picking one’s nose in public.”

“While most people may do it in private, why do it where others can see us?” 

Care and concern for others, or lack thereof, she writes, is the issue here, and possible impulse control problems. What does the high mean to him? 

In reaction to that, another person writes: “I would like to inform Manoling that he is terribly mistaken to believe that women enjoy his public masturbation. I advise him to relieve his sexual tension or desire or whatever in the privacy of his home.”

But yet another reader wrote in talking of a similar experience where she was at the receiving end of another movie-going Manoling. She felt like she had somehow brought the upsetting experience upon herself. But Doc Marge’s response, she says, changed her perspective. 

“I still wished it had not happened to me, but at least I am not so upset anymore. I no longer blame myself for his behavior,” writes “A Once-Distraught Moviegoer.”

“I now see that men like Manoling are just looking for love like we all are. They just have a different way of doing it.”

In 25 years, doors have been opened by writers like Doc Marge to discuss topics like these openly, without stigma, shame, and with kindness and yes, humor.

“Today bloggers, columnists, authors can write freely about these subjects in all their glory and complexity without fear or threat. I am immensely happy to have witnessed and deeply honored, hopefully, to have contributed to that change.”

Happily, fans and readers today can engage Doc Marge and Jeremy through any number of means, online and off. 

A toast to 25 years of life, love, and lust! Ever the fan, I’ll continue to eagerly await the newest Two Pronged in my inbox every week, along with their legion of admiring, ardent readers. – Rappler.com

Wyatt is the Lifestyle and Entertainment editor of Rappler.