Ask and receive for LGBTs

Ask.fm is a social networking site that allows anonymous users to ask questions members can answer. While it has received criticism from parents whose children have been bullied using this platform, it has gained popularity in the Philippines especially as a venue for LGBTs to ask anonymous questions on love, relationships, family issues, and sex.   

While I’ve answered over 400 questions on my Ask.fm page, many Filipino LGBT users have also spent their own time acting as valuable resources and confidants to young people who need online mentors they can approach anonymously. Using Ask.fm, I asked some popular gay and lesbian users what thoughts they would have for young lesbians and gay men, and they had these helpful things to say:

 Leaflens (Libay Linsangan Cantor) 

Award-winning writer, media practitioner, and queer advocate. 

• You are not alone. There are so many of us out there.
• You are not “abnormal” or an “abomination” or “suffering from a disease that could be cured” or everything hateful people say.
• You can build and have a family like any other straight couple out there. 
• Lesbianism’s destiny is not loneliness, so don’t be sad about it. Be with people who make you happy, who don’t judge you because you’re “different” from them. 
• Hindi mo ikamamatay ang maging single (Nobody dies of being single). Enjoy life to the fullest so when that girl comes along, she would want to join you in enjoying that life.

Prodeeboy (Bern Abraham) 

Corporate slave and Communications POC for Task Force Pride Philippines

• Learn what you can from school then learn more outside school. The best weapon that you can have for life will be what you know.
• Be aware of and be involved in LGBT stuff. You are on the same boat with others like you. You wouldn’t want to be the clueless, useless guy in the corner.
• Make them respect you as a gay man who is independent and can stand his own ground. Use that one raised eyebrow when you have to.
• ALWAYS practice safe sex. You owe that to yourself and your (would-be) partner. Don’t be stupid. How can you enjoy life if you get curtailed by those pesky little monsters?
• Never ever give up on love. It might be harder for us to find it but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t there somewhere.

Sliverword (Giney Villar)

Formerly active in LGBT advocacy but now works as a chef and restaurateur. 

• Being a lesbian is not a career. Surprise! While being a lesbian is a big part of who you are, it should not be the only thing that defines you. Not everything that happens (or doesn’t happen) is because you are a lesbian. Maybe some companies will not accept you if you are a lesbian, but if you are the best in what it is that you do, there will be better companies that will gladly take you in because you are an awesome lesbian—lawyer, doctor, accountant, artist. 
• Live away from home. The only way to learn about life is to live away from the comforts and security of your home. The sooner the better. Do not live away to spite your parents but because you want to learn how to fend for yourself—emotionally, financially, and physically.  Be an independent person. This is also known as being an adult. 
• Be someone for others. Involve yourself in something that will further the world you live in. If we want it to be better, then we have to do our share. Volunteer, donate, offer your help. It may be a part of a clean-up organization, an LGBT group, museum guide, fire brigade of whatever you fancy. Support other lesbians instead of putting them down because you’re jealous or insecure. Check your own fears. Lesbian theory has a term for it, horizontal hostility. More than any other group, we as lesbians perfectly understand our own oppression. Do not be part of its perpetration.
• Spend time with yourself alone. You occasionally need to clear your mind and be away from it all. It doesn’t have to be abroad. The park, museum, quiet resto, a long bus ride round trip, an early walk in your neighborhood. In an increasingly noisy world, you need to be alone with your thoughts. Checking in Foursquare or tweeting about your quiet time is not quiet time.
• Love yourself. This takes time and it takes practice. It doesn’t just happen. Make good choices that do not contradict your goals. Choose a partner who shares your values and aspirations and not someone who abuses you. Loving yourself is different from being selfish or arrogant or always getting your way. You would be able to figure that out as you navigate life. 

PinoyG4M (Jade Tamboon) 

Tech support guy and errand boy. Administrator of PinoyG4M.com, an online forum for Filipino gay and bisexual men

• Strive for independence, especially financial independence. You may be lucky to find friends and allies who will support you, but in the end, the one person who can help you best is yourself.
• Learn about gay issues. Learn about gay history, gender politics, and queer theories. Read books and watch movies exploring gender and sexuality. Question common knowledge and think about what you have been told.
• The person who will be your one true love does not exist. A relationship does not arrive perfect and unchanging; it is a work in progress from the day you first meet until the day you have to part. Meet and date a lot of guys, if you like, but don’t jump into a relationship just because other people do.
• If you are attending a party or meeting someone you haven’t met before, inform some close friends where are you going and what will you be doing. Ask them to check up on you after a few hours, if they can. Do not take your personal safety lightly.
• Your first sexual experience isn’t likely to be great. That’s perfectly okay. You have years and years to enjoy sex. Sometimes it’ll be great, sometimes not so much. But learn and practice safer sex. Always.

TanginaTibs (Bogart) 

Half Filipino, half Filipina. Creator of @TanginaTibs on Twitter and TanginaTibs.com

• Huwag kang matakot magtanong. Kung may mga bagay kang hindi naiintindihan sa pagiging lesbyana, magtanong ka, magbasa at manood ng mga materyal na tumatalakay dito. (Don’t be afraid to ask. If there are things you don’t understand about being a lesbian, ask someone, read and watch related materials.)
• Huwag puro pambabae ang atupagin. Mas marami pang handog ang pagiging tomboy bukod sa pambababae. Peksman. (Don’t make womanizing your lifetime career. There are so many things being a lesbian has to offer other than just chasing women. Promise.)
• Ang unang relasyon mo ay hindi pa pang-forever. Lahat ng matututunan mo sa bawat relasyon, i-apply mo sa sarili mo. (Your first relationship is not for forever. Everything you learn in a relationship should be applied to yourself.)
• Huwag na huwag kang mang-aagaw ng syota ng iba, straight man o hindi. Wag mo ring gawing parang science experiment ang pagpapa-bend ng isang straight na babae. (Never steal someone else’s girlfriend, whether she is straight or not. Don’t make converting a straight woman a science experiment.)
• But the most important thing is i-enjoy mo ang pagiging tibs. I-enjoy mo ang buhay. Mas masaya ang buhay ng mga kagaya natin kasi mas makulay. 🙂 (The most important thing is to enjoy being a lesbian. Enjoy life. We have happier lives because they are colorful.)

AteButch (LR) 

Filipina New Yorker, student of the universe

• Being a lesbian is a minute part of your whole being. You don’t have to worry about people thinking you’re a lesbian because you are more than that. You are your dreams, your personality, your principles, and your beliefs. What you do with your life is not because you’re a lesbian but because you’re human and those are things you want to do or achieve.
• Be sure of yourself. If you yourself are confused about who you are, imagine how confused other people would be. If you know who you are, then people won’t question you.
• Stand up for yourself don’t just agree that you’re inferior because you’re outside the norm. Never ever see yourself as less than anybody else. Never think you’re cursed. Never allow anyone to look down on you. 
• Come out when you’re ready. If you’re not comfortable to come out yet, then don’t. The first step is always to come out to yourself. You have to love every inch of your gayness before you can come out. It’s still a harsh world out there.
• Take care of yourself. The best way to love yourself is to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise, get enough rest, lessen your vices and just make yourself better everyday. Stay happy. In everything you do, personal happiness must be your priority. You only have one life to live. Make sure to live a happy one.

Identical values

Because of Ask.fm and the lively Pinoy gay scene on Twitter and on Facebook, it’s hard for today’s wired youth to remain completely isolated from the LGBT community. But not everything online is helpful or positive, so it’s good to have mature individuals we can trust to answer questions our young gay men and women might have. What these unintentional mentors have in common is their focus on positive living, healthy lifestyles, personal responsibility, and independence. It’s great for young LGBTs to be able to reach past the surface of their sexuality and be able to pursue values that every young person should have. – Rappler.com

Shakira Andrea Sison is a Palanca Award-winning essayist. She currently works in finance and spends her non-working hours giving online love advice while sitting in subway trains. She is a veterinarian by education and was managing a retail corporation in Manila before relocating to New York in 2002. Follow her on Twitter: @shakirasison and on Facebook.