[Bodymind] Of bondage and domination

Good news! 

In fact, not only one, but two bits of good news. 

First bit: This is the last time I will write about the Bench fashion show. Second bit: This column is, in fact, only tangentially related to the fashion show and the bulk of it will be about projective tests, BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism), and the DSM series.

Allow me to define two terms, hopefully without any of you considering me a boring old fart.

First, the DSM series is the manual used by clinicians and researchers to diagnose and classify mental disorders. It is published by the APA (American Psychiatric Society, which is a national medical specialty society whose more than 36,000 physician members specialize in the diagnosis, treatment, prevention and research of mental illnesses.

Second, a projective test in psychology is an examination that commonly employs ambiguous stimuli; for example, enigmatic pictures (such as the TAT– Thematic Apperception Test ) to evoke responses that may reveal facets of the subject’s personality by projection of internal attitudes, traits, and behavior patterns patterns upon the external stimuli.

The most popular (in that many people, at least on a superficial level are aware of it, even if only gleaned from the movies they see and novels they read) is the Rorschach (inkblot) test.

A standard joke we clinicians tell each other:

A man saw a psychologist because he had problems relating to women. The psychologist decided to give him the Rorschach.

When the man saw the first card and was asked what he saw? The man replied: a couple copulating.

With the second card, he answered: “ an orgy”

And on it went until he saw the final card and answered: A woman on all fours, being led on a leash.

The psychologist said: “I obviously have to analyze your results more deeply and that will take time.  But offhand, I can tell you now that you have deep seated sexual issues.”

“Why?” the man answered, apoplectic with rage,  “You’re the one who’s showing me all those dirty pictures.”

Am I saying that the people who complained about the woman on the leash part of the fashion show all have deep seated sexual issues?  No, but it is good to remember that we all see what we see through the prism of our own histories, vulnerabilities, resources and, yes, projections.

Am I saying that all those who saw the woman on a leash as signifying BDSM have dirty minds? Absolutely not!  It is easy to see why many might interpret this part of the show as celebrating domination and submission, perhaps even masochism and sadism.

But what’s wrong with a little BDSM? 

If the partners are willing and, to quote the DSM V, neither party:

1. “feels personal distress about their interest, not merely distress resulting from society’s disapproval; or
2. has a sexual desire or behavior that involves another person’s psychological distress, injury, or death, or a desire for sexual behaviors involving unwilling persons or persons unable to give legal consent.” 

In other words, even people with atypical sexual interests do not necessarily have mental disorders.

If I were directly asked whether I saw elements of BDSM at all in the show, I would have to admit that yes, I did, and it was Coco Martin who exhibited masochistic behavior. He not only didn’t look like he was enjoying himself, but actually seemed as if he were suffering. 

According to his lawyer, Lorna Kapunan, “Coco Martin had wanted to ‘voice out his concern’ during the rehearsals but failed to do so because of the ‘language barrier,’ noting that most of the show’s production team members were foreigners.”

Atty Kapunan further explained that “He (Mr Martin) was not involved in conceptualizing the production and appeared only once for rehearsal a day prior to the Sept. 20 show.” I don’t know about you, but this smacks of masochism to me: allowing yourself to do something you don’t want to simply because 1. others thought it might be a good idea and 2. you didn’t have the courage/resources to say no.

To put part of the issue in more layman terms, please watch the following videos on our very Rappler.com where I say (with itty bitty bits edited out or in) that the 3 adjectives mostly closely associated with fetishes (and here you can also include paraphilia) are: strange, sexy and sometimes scary.

Because we don’t understand how someone gets turned on by something we ourselves don’t find sexy, what we don’t understand is oftentimes scary and can even be angry-making, which perhaps is something to consider when gauging some of the reactions against the show.

This is Part 2:

I also gave examples of fetishes, from smelling used underwear to golden showers (getting turned on by peeing or getting peed on) and the best ways to deal with such issues. My favorite suggestion comes from one of my favorite columnists, Dan Savage: “GGG good, giving and game…..willing to stretch their definition of the taboo and incorporate their partner’s fetish into their sex-play.”

Again, I do not fault Gabriela and other women’s groups for being up in arms against the Bench show. It’s just that we come from different perspectives where I oftentimes feel certain women do not need the defending they are given. The woman on the leash hardly looked cowered or afraid, she was playful, jumped around in seeming joy, and asserted herself in many ways, one, by positioning her body in ways I wish I could.

An aside: I had an FB conversation with Mina Tenorio, fearless member of one of the most credible NGOs, Likhaan Center for Women’s Health.  

I love arguing with Mina because she never tries to bludgeon you into agreement either by parading her extensive experience in the trenches or by raising her voice unduly.

Mina told me she disagreed with my article last week and still found “Bench’s ‘man and his pet’ offensive.” 

She further added: “Going back to the Bench issue, I’m also unsure whether a petition vs Shoemart alone would garner the same number of signatories. And I also question why there’s not so much hype or demand for accountability against Shoemart as was vs Bench.”

Wonderful point, and I must admit I have no answer just yet (if I will at all). But I will explore, listen, and draw conclusions, yet always be willing to change my mind should further credible facts emerge. This is what true discourse is all about and long may it last! – Rappler.com 

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