No sweat: Having the ‘sex talk’ with your kids

Rappler.com

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No sweat: Having the ‘sex talk’ with your kids
Instead of encouraging fear, Ana advises parents to talk about sex in the same way they converse with their children about being responsible with their studies, friendships, finances, and health

MANILA, Philippines – Parents, have you had the “sex talk” with your kids?

How’d it go?

In the pilot episode of Rappler’s new podcast, Sex and Sensibilities, columnist Ana P. Santos shared how sex is discussed in her family, particularly with her teenage daughter.

Unlike other households where “sex talk” is either taboo or shrouded in sugary, yet unclear terms like flowers, birds, and bees, Ana talks freely to her 13-year-old about sexuality. 

The words vagina, penis, breast, sex, gay, condoms, AIDS are just among the rich vocabulary freely thrown around in her home. Such terms are taught, not just for the sake of teaching them, but are thoroughly explained by Ana to her daughter.

Some teenagers may feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, or even displeased when their parents talk to them about sex. To avoid this, Ana pairs her advice with humor. The jokes take the heat off the topic, making her child less afraid of asking questions.

Ana observed that some parents use “pananakot” (fear), focusing on pregnancy as a consequence of sex. This style may work for others, but this may also leave some children clueless about what sex really is.

Instead of encouraging fear, Ana advises parents to talk about sex in the same way they converse with their children about being responsible with their studies, friendships, finances, health, among other usual topics.

Talk about how pregnancy works, what safe and responsible sex is, contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, respect for diversity in sexuality, consent and safety, hygiene, abuse and rights.

This advice goes for both daughters and sons, mothers and fathers, couples and single parents.

Listen to your children

Since not all schools provide sufficient sexuality education, children would naturally look for other ways to know more about sex. If parents are unable to provide such information, their children will look elsewhere. Why risk having your children learn the wrong things when they can learn what is right from you?

Most parents also worry that their children are exploring sex through the underbellies of the Internet and cable TV, hence they ban their kids from watching certain shows or accessing certain sites. The reality, however, is that these kids will likely go ahead and watch these videos behind your back anyway. Ana advises parents to not just tell kids what not to watch, but to also explain why such things are wrong.

Lastly, Ana urges parents to always listen to their children. Do not monopolize the conversation, since kids can also teach parents a lesson or two. It’s important to make your children feel that their opinions matter, and that they will never be judged by their own parents.

Admit it if you don’t know the answer to your child’s curiosities. In fact, Ana sometimes goes online together with her daughter to dig for answers.

Having the talk does not mean it will happen only once at a certain age. Instead, Ana asks parents to turn it into an ongoing conversation — expanding and covering more topics as the child grows.

Instead of dreading the day when your kids are finally old enough to start asking questions about sex, parents should embrace this moment. Don’t sweat over it, just make sure both you and your child are ready not just for some Q&A, but also for the explaining and storytelling that come with it. – Rappler.com

Did you ever have these kinds of conversations with your child? Or do you remember what your parents told you about sex? Did it make you squirm or smile?

Share your experiences with us, email your anecdotes, advice, or questions to move.ph@rappler.com. You can also send us ideas for our next podcast episodes. Speak up on #GenderIssues!

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