GMA’s version of Mo Twister’s drama

One day people will read this in my memoirs entitled, “Another Stone Thrown to My Face.” Just to remember how horrible a day it is. I’m in Taguig, I’ve been crying all evening because I thought this morning I’d be transferred to the VMMC Hospital. But no, it’s raining, and they want to transfer me via chopper. Que horror! 

That chopper is old that’s why Mike sold it. Silly PNP! I’d rather take a taxi. It doesn’t matter naman what I think about it, because it was P-Noy’s choice. I’m no longer the president. I’m just a detainee. I don’t know how long I’ll keep this as a prop, but this is the evidence that I’m sick (whispers, wears brace, poses as AP’s photographer Bullit Marquez shoots her photo).

This is wrong. This is the hardest thing (crying). This is even heavier than I am. My brace weighs 43 kilos times 2.2 pounds. Hardest thing I’ve gone through and I’ve gone through so much. It’s not like P-Noy is having an easy time with this too. This government that judges and blames me for its ineptitude. He knows his incompetence will ruin him eventually. And you know, it must be hard to have an intelligent father and a sister like Kris that it has made him feel that persecuting me will make him look stronger. 

Siyempre kasi kung masisiraan ako, mukhang magmamagaling siya. Gumagamit pa ng demagoguery. I don’t blame him. So I blame the weather. The pressure on him is so great. He’s so popular even if he’s doing nothing. I’m hated by the public but at least I did my best and Mike took care of the rest. I think nobody will, ano, quarrel with my kasipagan. Ewan ko lang kay Noynoy. I know he feels like he has no choice. He does not make choices. Either Balay or Samar does when De Lima is not holding a presscon. So this is not his fault. I know how hard it is to be in his position, in this situation. Been there, done that…to Erap.

The only difference is that I promptly sent Erap to jail. P-Noy is super late even in fetching me. One day, he’ll read this in my book, 20 years from now, and I don’t even know if he reads books. It will still hurt like hell. (Crying) He’ll be sorry for this his whole life. I will make sure I’ll be his pain in the ass, he will have no time for his sex life. And I’ll be sorry for this my whole life. I’m sorry for the bad choices I made. For calling Garci, for running after activists, for freeing Erap.

I only dreamt of following in his footsteps, but only up to Malacañang and not VMMC. I know Erap has been able to succeed after dealing with a problem like this, if it is even a problem, I don’t know if it’s a problem. It’s still a presidential suite and it’s newly refurbished. It’s Dec. 9, 2011 and I’m still sitting inside St. Luke’s Hotel with Mike, and we’ve been fighting with Robredo all day about whether they’re flying me or not.

How can the chopper fly? I have a Minerva brace. I have a Miami brace. They are heavy. So are Mike, Mikey, Topacio and his eggs. Don’t they get it? That’s why I booked several flights to Singapore. The government says it’s doing its best to try to keep me safe. And all this fighting is taking a toll on Len Horn’s sanity.

I don’t want to do this. I will die in that helicopter. Geez, politics is so so hard on past presidents who made business out of politics. I guess all past presidents are corrupt. I don’t know. It’s our fault, I know. You can’t really blame me because people elected us anyway. And we all cheated in one way or another. Too bad mine was recorded. But um, I am sorry.

When she found out the blog post had spread virally, this was Gloria Arroyo’s response written on tissue paper:

“I know you all have so many questions about what happened. I can’t give any clear answers right now because I too am wondering how it all got into the Internet. You can’t blame me. The court didn’t allow me to use a laptop. I couldn’t tweet. I couldn’t access Facebook. How can I post it? I’m only allowed to use tissue papers. I appeal to whoever is in possession of my personal files to refrain from uploading anything further. I have spoken to my immediate supervisors in the Supreme Court, and upon their advice, I will explain all of this in their sala as it is the only venue I have that has a sizable reach. Well, not to mention Arn-Arn. Sorry again.”

(The anonymous blogger also interviews Twitter personalities via the hashtags #in140char (“Twitterviews” with journalists and celebrities) and #TweetConPH (Social media conference with policymakers and advocates). You may follow his account on Twitter: @I_amHolo.)