QUEZON, Philippines – So confused as to be almost catatonic was how Tirso Pabellon felt when he heard his younger sister, 54-year-old Irene Gunawan, was one of the passengers who went down with Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 last Thursday, July 17.

She, along with her Indonesian husband and two children, were on their way to an annual family reunion in her hometown of Pagbilao, Quezon. 

“‘Di ko malaman ang aking sarili. Parang ayokong umalis sa aking pagkakatayo. Parang akong yelong nanlalamig o nag-iinit. Ang inaasahan ko’y saya, ang dadatnan namin dito sakit ng kalooban. Ako’y parang naubos na ang luha,” Pabellon told Rappler. 

(I didn’t know myself. It’s like I didn’t want to move from where I was standing. I was like ice that was getting colder or warmer. I was expecting to be happy but we were met with pain. I’ve run out of tears.) 

He, his wife Rosalia, their kids and his other siblings have spent days nervously waiting for more news.

So many questions remain unanswered: who fired the deadly missile? Who is to blame for the seemingly senseless act of violence? More importantly, where are the remains of Irene and her family? 

They’ve been told by the Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA) that they’ll be brought to Ukraine to identify and claim the bodies, if any are found. But Tirso is not keen on setting foot anywhere near that country, still crawling with “Russian terrorists.” 

He hopes to wait for the remains in the Netherlands instead, where Irene spent around 30 years of her life with her husband Hadiono, an Indonesian who works for Malaysia Airlines. (READ: Malaysia MH17 families hope to get remains for burials)

Waiting for ‘Nene’

Malen, Irene’s sister-in-law, places fresh flowers on an altar bearing an old picture of Irene.

The white candles from last night have already burned to the bottom of their glass cups. Malen clucks disapprovingly and runs out to buy new candles, ready for another night of vigil. 

Tirso walks around with his cellular phone, scared to miss a text or call that may reveal more about the fate of his younger sister. His wife lies on the sofa with her eyes closed. 

The tense waiting stretches on, ironically, inside the spacious, two-story house Irene had bought for her late mother.  

But one room is always saved for Irene and her family. That door to the room is now locked. Its key went down with the plane. 

Breadwinner

To call Irene “generous” is a gross understatement, according to accounts of her family. 

“Siya ang namumusisyon as panganay na anak pero hindi siya panganay kasi siya ang breadwinner ng pamilya. Siya ang nagpapaaral ng anak ko, siya ang nagbibigay ng suporta sa kanyang mga kapatid, ng mga pang-emergency,” says Malen. 

(She takes the position of eldest child even if she is not the eldest because she is the breadwinner of the family. She was putting my son through school, she was supporting her siblings, giving them emergency money.)

Irene or “Nene” put her family first always, especially when she and her husband began making a decent living in the Netherlands. 

Every time they came home to the Philippines, the couple would treat the clan out to places like resorts, theme parks, nice restaurants and malls. 

Before her arrival, Irene would tell her siblings not to do their grocery-shopping. She would take care of everything when she gets there. 

Rosalia remembers how Irene would tell her nieces and nephews to pick whatever pair of shoes they wanted from the department store. “Don’t look at the price,” she would say.

Tirso remembers arriving in department stores early in the morning and leaving minutes before the mall’s closing time laden with all their purchases.  

“Sa nangyari nga ngayon para kaming pinagtatanggalan ng tig-iisang braso (With what has happened it’s like each of us has lost a limb),” he says. 

Kim, Malen’s 19-year-old son who Irene was putting through school, had also been excited for his aunt’s imminent arrival but for different reasons.

She had commented on a Facebook conversation where Kim and his cousins were planning to drink.

“Sabi ni Tita Nene, ‘Ang daya niyo. Hintayin niyo ako. Pag dating ko concert tayo at mag-inuman. Meron tayong videoke.‘” (Tita Nene said, ‘You guys are unfair. Wait for me. When I arrive let’s have a concert and go drinking. We have videoke.)

Plane full of loved ones

A rusty black motorcycle with a metal sidecar waits on the front yard of the house. It was a favorite of Irene’s two kids, Darryl, who was to turn 21 this August, and 15-year-old Sherryl. 

As kids, the two would take turns sitting in front as the “driver” and pretend it was moving. Tirso would take them out for rides around the village. Hadiono, their father, would be in the back of a car taking videos. 

When Tirso showed them through Skype that the motorcycle was still in the house, they whooped with joy, excited to see their old toy.

Darryl, a medical school student in Amsterdam, was bringing some surprises of his own.

A budding disk jockey, he had packed his full set of DJ gear and drums to bring to the Philippines, says Tirso. He was going to spin music during the reunion’s “talent show.” Sherryl, on the other hand, was a talented dancer. 

The family reunion is still pushing through on July 27. The day before, the family will hold a private mass for the loved ones they have just lost. 

Kim hopes his schooling can still continue. With Irene gone, his family must just find their own way.

But what he wants now more than anything else is to bring Irene home. 

“Kahit isang bagay lang sa kanya kung walang-wala na ang kanyang katawan. Kahit isang bag lang niya.” 

(Even just one of her things if her body is nowhere to be found. Even just one bag of hers.) 

Before the tragedy, Kim had never heard of the conflict in Ukraine. He had never heard of Ukrainian pro-Russian separatists or the annexation of Crimea. Vladimir Putin and Barack Obama were names in the news, not in real life.

The conflict from the other side of the world had reached their little town of Pagbilao, like a missile out of nowhere hitting its target. – Rappler.com