MANILA, Philippines – Her voice trembled as she tried to hold back tears.

“It has been 44 days and each day has not been easy,” said Erica Pabalinas, widow of Senior Inspector Ryan Pabalinas, one of the elite cops who died more than a month ago during a police operation in Mamasapano town, Maguindanao.

On Sunday, March 8, widows, family members, and alumni of the country’s police academy marched from Cavite to Camp Crame and then to Claret school where a mass was held to commemorate the 44th day since the January 25 operation.

Pabalinas, an officer and radioman of the Philippine National Police Special Action Force (PNP SAF)’s 55th Special Action Company, and 43 of his comrades died during a police operation that neutralized bomb maker and terrorist Zulkifli bin Hir (alias “Marwan”).

“They are our husbands, fathers of our children, sons and brothers, the cornerstone of our families, the breadwinners and supporters of our families. While we all knew and have accepted that their jobs were full of danger, never did we imagine that they would be all lost,” continued Erica, who also spoke during the eulogy for the SAF 44 at Camp Bagong Diwa more than a month ago.

Her voice trembling, but her words steadfast, Pabalinas then pleaded for President Benigno Aquino III’s help in seeking justice.

She made the same appeal on Sunday.

“Again, I say Mr. President: Please help us gain justice and know the truth. I say against, Mr. President, please serve us justice and truth,” she said.

“44 days later, we still don’t know who their killers are. 44 days later, many of us have not recovered their personal recordings of our brave men. 44 days may have passed but our hearts are still crying for justice for our brave men,” she added. 

For the guardians of justice

Several bodies are either done or are wrapping up their independent probes into the Mamasapano clash.

The Senate is due to release its report mid-March while the PNP’s Board of Inquiry will be submitting their report to the PNP’s Office-in-Charge by Monday, March 9.

The sheer number of probes, said Pabalinas, has been dizzying for the families of the slain troopers. 

VIDEO: Camille Pabalinas, SInsp Ryan Pabalinas’ 2-year-old sings after Mass. https://t.co/dOVMSeNBXP

— Bea Cupin (@beacupin) March 8, 2015

“Our hearts are more burdened because as the days pass… our cry for justice seems to be slipping from our grasps… We do not seek to blame anybody. We seek justice. Why is is that justice seems so hard to gain? It it not that the sacrifice of the Fallen 44 enough to merit justice?” said Erica.

“What of the justice and the truth that I hope will be rendered for my daughter Camille, who at her young age of 2, has been robbed of the love of her father? She lost her father who she will never see, hug or kiss again,” she added.

Camille, a bright and bubbly 2-year-old later sang at the end of the mass. “Ang tatay kong pulis, ay bayani sa puso ko (My father who’s a cop is a hero in my heart),” mumbled the toddler, who was wearing a “police” t-shirt. 

“Ryan was a law enforcer who committed himself to the service of delivering of rendering justice… they served for justice but where is justice for them now?” said Erica of her late husband.

The widow also thanked the PNP leadership, the different government agencies, and the private sector for the help that has been pouring in for the families of the SAF 44.

But, she added, it’s not money they’re after. (READ: SAF 44 widow: What happened in Mamasapano?)

“We do not want blood money for the death of us husbands. But we, the families of the Fallen 44, ask and seek one thing, and that [for] is truth and justice to be served,” she said.

Aquino, PNP’s crisis

At least 21 other people died during the operation’s botched exit plan, as SAF troopers encountered fighters from the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF), its breakaway group the Bangsamoro Islamic Freedom Fighters (BIFF), and Private Armed Groups.

Based on data from the regional government, at least 3 civilians died while 18 MILF fighters were killed.

The Mamasapano clash is the Aquino government’s biggest crisis so far, prompting calls for him to resign. “Oplan Exodus” has been heavily criticized for its commander’s decision not to coordinate with the PNP command and the military, for the involvement of resigned PNP chief Director General Alan Purisima despite his suspension, and for the President’s perceived inadequacy in addressing the crisis.

The deadly clash has also prompted some sectors to call for the scrapping of the proposed Bangsamoro Basic Law, the result of long negotiations between the MILF and the government.

And even as the government and the PNP scramble to handle the crisis following the crash, Erica, Camille, and other families’ questions remain unanswered.

“It has been 44 days. We wait, we cry, we hope that soon… not 44 months, not 44 years, not forever that we have to continue waiting, waiting so that truth and justice will be finally served for our beloved men,” she said. – Rappler.com