#UnsentLetters: I’m So Sorry

Unsent  Letters is a newsletter curated by Shakira Sison featuring unspoken sentiments gathered from reader submissions. It features unsent letters to real and imagined lovers. 

Here I am staring at the wall and wondering about you. Perhaps you’re still awake at this moment because I can still remember those days when we would talk on the phone late at night. I’m sure we would be talking right now if we were still together. We would talk about random things until we both fall asleep. But things have changed, and so have we. 

So now I’m wondering if you also think about me the same way I do. Do you also think about me when you are all curled up in bed? Do you think about me before you close your eyes at night wishing that a miracle would happen and we could get back together again? Do you think about me just when you open your eyes in the morning and realize that nothing has changed the fact that we’re over? That you have to deal with the truth all over again until you get used to the pain? Do you think about me in the middle of the day when you have a lot of things to do and suddenly reminisce about our past as if it only happened yesterday?

Do you see me in every girl you bump into? Do you wish it were my hands you’re holding instead of a bottle of Red Horse? Do you wish it were me you’re talking to instead of your friends? Are you tired of wishing for things that you know would not happen anymore? Are you tired of spending cold and lonely nights? There is no chance that I could get answers from you because we stopped talking for the sake of us. But here is what I have to say: I am sorry.

I’m so sorry. I know you’ve heard it a million times and you’re probably tired of me saying sorry because it’s all I’ve ever done. All I’ve done was to say sorry but I’ve never made things right for both of us. If you think you’re the only one who suffered when we parted ways, you’re wrong. If you think it was easy for me to break your heart, you’re wrong. If you think I had forgotten about you, you’re wrong. If you think I don’t love you anymore, you are wrong in the most absolute ways. You’re entirely wrong if that’s what you think.  

Being the one who had to do the breaking up was the hardest thing to do. They thought it must have been easy for me to get away and leave you behind. I did not leave you because I wanted you to get hurt. I left you because I got tired and there was nothing left of me. I had nothing to give. I left you because you couldn’t accept the fact that the person you knew before wasn’t the same person anymore. I’ve changed, I still love you but you’ve always wanted me to stay in my comfort zone. You kept me from growing as an individual. I left you because it was the right thing to do. I left you because you were holding me back from becoming who I really want to be. I left you because I couldn’t deal with your insecurities anymore, your fear of losing me and that I would find someone better no matter how many times I’ve assured you that I love you.

Our love became the center of everything that I’d forgotten what better things life has to offer. It was always about you, about us. We were supposed to make each other happy but we were hurting ourselves so badly without knowing it. Our love made us blind.

And so I left. 

I left because I was lost and I can’t see myself in you anymore. I left because our love became too much of a burden. 

For the last time, I’m sorry I left. – Rappler.com

Do you have your own Unsent Letter? Send them to unsentletters@rappler.com. Selected letters will be anonymized and edited for clarity and brevity. By submitting to Unsent Letters, you represent that the work is your own and that you waive your rights to it for present and future publication.