#AskMargie: Being Valenswined

MANILA, Philippines – Now that you know what Valenswine means (or if you’re just encountering it now watch the first part of this series on Valenswines), clinical psychologist Dr. Margie Holmes now talks about how people react to being Valenswined.

Watch:

Today we’ll discuss how men and women react to being lied to, being led to believe s/he is the only one in his partner’s life only to discover he isn’t. That he was, in fact, V SWINED!

Here’s what the women said:

Marife Maryam Ranada: If I get to find out na na-Valenswine ako, ipakakapon ko yung guy sa friend kong vet… So he better not show himself naked to me.

Trixie Cruz: The question supposes a pre-established conclusion, but just how can you tell if he is “wooing” a woman? Do we see him on bended knee? Do we see him giving her flowers? Are they kissing (and consequently, would that still be considered “wooing”?) In short, what is the evidence that supports this conclusion?

The man may come up with any of the following “excuses.” He is on bended knee because he was getting up but arthritis bent him over. He is giving her flowers because someone in her family died. He is giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation because she felt faint. Ad nauseam. In which case, I would give in to the original impulse and deck him.

Pee Hsee: Join their table and act as if we are old friends and will make kwento about his life. I did that with the husband. The girl suddenly asked, “Are you his ex-girlfriend?” I said, yes, now his wife.

Evangeline P Sangalang: Basta any husband/boyfriend is a jerk if wooing another (in whatever form or degree). Often when caught, he relies that a public place protects him from embarrassment. I won’t protect his ego. I will say anything my high BP allows. Anyway, the relationship was broken long before you walked into the restaurant.

@salingpusalang: Scandalous shouting matches are a thing of the past. Just bring out your iPhone and take a vid/pic. End the story at home.

and finally, here’s Alma Cruz Miclat who believes in preventive rather than curative action:

Alma Cruz Miclat: Thank God I never had such an experience and we will be celebrating our 43rd anniv in May. It probably helped that I put it strongly from the get go that if he (my Mario) did any hanky panky, he is free to go. I think I deserve a better man than the one who will not respect our vows & who will hurt me where it hurts most, the heart! And I’m very serious about it & I don’t care how long we are on the road together. Who knows if that threat was what made our union last. Or he truly loves me come hell or high water.

If males are the victim of valenswinication:

John Silva: Castration is in order.

Ferdz de O: If I know that it was not a ‘strictly business dinner’ I would walk over to them and say “Hey, honey, does he also like my favorite dish?” (I would) points at his food and dip finger in it and taste it (I just hope it’s not hot). Then I would intentionally spill his drink on the necktie. All in my mind because it’s what I really FEEL like doing but in reality I’ll probably freeze.

Yomi Artemus: Well for certain I hate confrontations. I will just go out then try to find some other things to do for the moment, then I will confront my partner when I have a clear head and an open heart to listen. I learned a lot of things from my past relationships already so better be cool headed than burst out and make a scene. I don’t want to look like a fool anymore like before.

WRAP UP: Men seem more aggressive than women…testosterone? Well except for Yomi who has learned from experience that aggression is not always the best way to handle relationship problems. This is not necessarily a function of gender but of intelligence, and, mastery of poetry to read how Yomi writes.

While this is, of course, a hopelessly skewed sample, it hints that sociobiologists believes there are two areas where male and females are different due to hardwiring and not due to nurture: sex and aggression. In a way, this tends to confirm it, doesn’t it?

– Rappler.com