#AskMargie: Child’s sexual identity

MANILA, Philippines – This week on #AskMargie, Dr. Margie Holmes talks about a child’s sexual identity – especially if one parent is not around—for example, because they are working abroad or separated.

Watch:

I asked: Do you think a child’s sexual identity can be affected with a parent missing?

The topic divided our viewers.

Shake Guevarra-Hocson says: Parental attachment is very important, more specifically in guiding kids for sexual orientation.

Toni Quevedo says, I practically grew up without a father figure, and was reared by my aunts. Consequently, I became gay.

Doris Nuval says, Yup. My boy turned macho with me as a single parent. I think I over compensated for the absence of his father and kinda overdid it.

But some say that’s not the case.

Toni Trittle says: My parents were always around and they’re straight, but I still turned out gay.

Bob Couttie, says, I have lesbian friends who brought up daughters. The daughters did not become lesbians. Being brought up by a single parent father didn’t make me gay.

Panjee Ng says, No – such a sweeping generalization. I grew up with both parents very active in raising me yet I grew up transgendered.

Jan Castaneda says: Sexual identity is shaped by more than just parents. As a side note: the “overbearing mother / absentee father” explanation for boys developing a gay sexuality has no bearing in scientific literature. It’s a bunch of pseudo-science.

Korek ka dyan, Jan Castaneda! Thanks for bringing that up.

Vic Salas says, There is a range of identities–some are very culturally specific (like bayot, bakla, parlorista, tibo, etc )… (yet) Identity is individualized and personal- there is also the “simple” matter of behaviors as manifestations of identity. Think homophobic male politicians and preachers found out to be buying sex from male escorts.
I think having one, or two, or NO parents, has NO relation as to whether one identifies as heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, or metrosexual…

Cy Tan says, The comments tell so much about what Philippine society believes in general. It is just wrong. It puts so much emphasis on upbringing and finger pointing as though you can raise a boy to be gay or a girl to be lesbian.

Cheryl Jane Virtudazo says, Sexuality is too complex. And factors vary from person to person. My sister and I are both straight though dad was always away as a military man.

Dr. Holmes: I am thrilled that a majority of us realize that that the kind of parenting you have does not cause your sexual orientation. But what studies do show, however, is that parenting still has an important impact on how a child feels about his sexual orientation and about himself. Parents who accept and support their children’s decisions are more likely to have children positive about themselves and the lives they have. That is the good news.

An itty bit of semi bad news, however is,…to quote UP Prof Eric Manalastas, adult-children of migrant parents report sadness that their parents missed out on their sexual development milestones (first love, first heartbreak, getting married, being a parent, etc.), that is also the case for LGBT adult-children.

But then, we can change that to good news once more,….by encouraging your kids to write to you, skype often, so even while not there physically, you can still be as involved emotionally and psychologically. In fact, sometimes even MORE so, because you are aware that the likelihood of missing these important milestones is greater when you are away from your kids, therefore you’ll try harder.

– Rappler.com

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