Is age really just a number?

Michelle Ressa-Aventajado

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Life coach Pia Acevedo answers the question, 'Is age really just a number?'
 

 

Coach Pia Acevedo of The One CoreMANILA, Philippines – When asked how old you are, do you proudly state your truth? Do you subtract a few years to make yourself younger than your actual age? Do you pad your age so that people think you are older?

In previous conversations regarding age I have found that men are often referred to as becoming wiser as they age. For some reason they are afforded a different consideration in growing older. Even salt and peppered hair is described as distinguished. Consider the perception of women being seen as fragile, conservative, and even old fashioned as they age.

In a conversation with Life Coach Pia Acevedo, of The One Core, I  try to understand the stigma behind growing older and the issue of age. Is it really just a number?

I have seen women fight the inevitable and lie about their age because they are uncomfortable with growing older. I have seen women go to great lengths and even sustain numerous surgical procedures to combat the age defining characteristics that would identify them as more “mature.” I have seen women embrace their age and adapt to the changes that accompany growing older. How each of these women handle the changes of growing older largely depend on our relationships.  

Our perceptions about aging and whether there is a stigma behind it, lies in our personal relationships. According to Coach Pia, perceptions are shaped early on by our parents, and later in life, by the partner we choose, and the support network we rely on as adults.

For example, we know that children learn by what they see, NOT by what we SAY. So it’s not just important to be careful and watch what we say, it’s more important to watch what we do as we raise our children mindfully. We are setting the stage for their perceptions as well.

Case in point: My Lola has always been proud of her age. (She’s 95 now.) For as long as I can remember, for as far back as my memories go, I know my Lola never lied about her age. She wore her age like a badge, an accomplishment, an honor…symbolizing all the years of learning, experience, and hard work that she proudly boasted when asked. This means that my mother learned there was no need to lie, and no need to try and slow down the hands of Father Time. My mom took care of herself, her skin, her hair, and her appearance, but she embraced her age and wore it proudly, much like her mother did before her. My mom is also a believer that “When you look good, you feel good.” I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that my great grandmother probably had the same attitude towards aging as well.

These core values that we adopt from child rearing and take with us into our adulthood “are called into question when we receive pressure from our partner or core group.” Take for example, one of my most beautiful titas. Growing up, she was one of the most beautiful women I remember. As she has gotten older, she has had more and more surgeries to fight the signs of aging. Somewhere in her life, my tita decided that plastic surgery was something that she needed to have in order to stay relevant, and maybe even validated in her relationships. We can speculate whether that perception came from her mother, her partner, or her close friends, irregardless, it is a premise that she believes is necessary for her to feel better about her age. 

AGING. Why do women lie about their age?

Attitudes towards aging can also be shaped by social norms. In a matriarchal society, the woman is the backbone of the family. She manages the home and oversees the child rearing even if she maintains a full-time job. Many women learn to balance it all while taking time for themselves. Because even in a society where the roles for men and women are clearly defined, there is still a choice to “do” what a role requires of you, or to “be” boxed in by that role. 

If women in their 20s believe that it is the age of making decisions and setting goals, then women in their 30s are in the process of achieving those goals and following up on those decisions to solidify who they are. By their 40s many women have arrived, supporting a confidence and mastery of the path they have chosen. By the time women hit their 50s the desire to reinvent themselves can accompany the changes that this age brings.

Within each decade of a woman’s life there are changes that present themselves. Coach Pia cites that if you are willing to accept these changes that life affords you, then there is a chance to “Grow Old Gracefully.”  

Coach Pia’s advice on how to grow old gracefully can be done with honest work on yourself. Remember, if you do this, you are doing it for yourself…and no one else.

1) Evaluate

Take an honest inventory.  Look at the older women in your family.  Ask yourself:

 – Is that what I want for myself?

 – What do I want?

 – What can I change?

 – Acknowledge the similarities od the differences in the answers to these questions and then CHOOSE to adapat or change for yourself.

2) Communicate

All healthy relationships have solid communication as their base. From healthy relationships come feelings of being validated and relevant.

 – CHOOSE a support network in line with your values.

 – Try to find women who have similar interests and needs, These women will become your net. Your safety net. 

 – Communicate that language of love in all of your relationships

3) Meditate

Take time for yourself. Meditation can come in many forms. The relationship you develop with yourself is just as important as the relationship you find fulfillment and satisfaction in as you grow older.

 – Find comfort in silence. 

 – Allow time for thought and reflection.

 – Keep a journal.

 – Take time for you. When you look good, you feel good.

Originally, I thought that the stigma from getting older originated from societal pressures, and the focus of the media on all things new, young, and fresh. After my discussion with Coach Pia,  I realize that the stigma comes from within the family unit. This influence is seen across the classes.

Perceptions of age are handed down from generation to generation, leaving it up to you to accept, negotiate, or adapt a new way of thinking and loving yourself. For even if there is a set of values that have been handed down, ultimately, it’s up to you to develop the personal relationship with yourself that is loving and accepting. – Rappler.com

Follow Coach Pia on twitter and visit The One Core’s website here.

Michelle Aventajado


Michelle Ressa-Aventajado is a Filipina American who grew up in NY and now makes Manila her home. When she’s not busy raising her four children, she enjoys teaching, reading and writing about her passions. Follow her blog Momma ‘N Manila as she documents her adventures and growth in parenting.


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