Detours from home: Dispensing self-love advice but failing to listen

I’ve always been an affectionate person. I’ve never really been afraid to express my emotions, nor have I ever felt uneasy when it comes to talking about feelings. I’m also big on promoting self-love, especially to my friends and family. I never forget to stress the importance of mental health breaks, me time, and self-care. I also love reminding them about what makes them amazing in their own way and supporting all their endeavors in life.

That’s why I found it quite ironic when, weeks into the quarantine, I came upon an alarming realization: for someone who talked a lot about the importance of self-love, I wasn’t good at applying it myself.

This dawned on me during a quiet evening of self-reflection. At this point, I had gotten used to being at home and found that one thing that helped me decompress was being alone with my thoughts and observing how I felt about the day I just had.

I realized that I had a hard time practicing self-love. There were pieces of advice I gave that I struggled to follow myself, and I wasn’t also consistently looking after my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. 

This manifested in the ways I struggled: yoga was something that helped clear my mind, and yet I found it hard to incorporate it into my routine. I planned all the ways I’d want to spend my me-time – exercising, making song covers, writing poems – and yet I would always prioritize everything but those. I even lost my sense of boundaries for a period of time and tried accommodating requests and favors from loved ones even when I was already emotionally exhausted. 

I reflected on all of this and more, and I realized that self-love was harder than I thought. It was often romanticized as just going shopping, taking bubble baths, and eating a pint of chocolate ice cream. Not to say that these couldn’t be forms of self-love, but it’s something deeper than anything money can buy.

Self-love is a commitment. It’s discipline. It’s patience. It’s looking inward to find what can give your life balance. It’s accepting your flaws and weaknesses and doing things that can help you grow. It’s learning how to rest. It’s protecting your peace and happiness. It’s a conscious decision to show yourself the same compassion that you show others.

Personally, I’m still trying to figure out how to be good at it. There are also some days when I feel like I’ve taken a step back or two. However, what’s important is to always try your best to practice self-love anyway, despite the challenges that you may face. When it gets hard, be kind to yourself, give yourself some time. Try going back to the things you love. Most of all, be proud of all the ways you’re choosing yourself. 

This is a gentle reminder that you can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure to always keep yours full first. – Rappler.com

Althea Kalalo is a writer and storyteller who is currently living in the southern part of Metro Manila. When she’s not crafting stories for campaigns, you can find her reading poetry, listening to new music, or making song covers for fun.