SUMMARY
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MANILA, Philippines — Picture this. You enter a room full of strangers. Some look to you and smile for no reason. You’ve never seen them before in your entire life.
As the minutes go by, the place feels smaller and smaller, more suffocating than it actually is. But oh, you get distracted from your own thoughts as an old lady you come across pinches your cheek. “Excuse me?” you tell yourself.
A baby cries in one corner.
Finally, the voice inside your head couldn’t take it any longer and screams, “I hate family reunions.”
Not a holiday person
I dislike people during the holidays…or I used to.
I studied far away from my family, but even when I’d go home to the province over the Christmas break, my ideal vacation was locking myself in my room, wrapping myself in a blanket, and then binging the vast list of movies and TV shows I missed that year from sunrise to sunset.
I think part of me learned to enjoy, thrive even, in the solitude of dorm life. And that carried over even when I was in the company of others—whether it was friends or family—during the holidays.
What changed?
The simplest answer? I graduated.
Entering the real world, you realize that, as cliché as it sounds, no amount of planning prepares you for the responsibilities of adult life.
Before, in school, you had a rubric to determine success. Good grades, extracurricular activities, popularity—these were quantitative assessments, a checklist, to what was considered achievements back then.
Exiting university, working your first job, you begin to see everything in air quotes: “success,” “achievement,” “purpose,” etc.
There were no rules to follow because there was no rule book.
And, if you’re a person who thrived on keeping to yourself, you begin to understand that self-reliance is a double-edged sword. And keeping to yourself also means keeping to your own thoughts. You are left wallowing in your own existential dread.
Building connections, not just reconnections
It’s in those periods of reflection that you realize that you cannot see things clearly by just being alone inside your head. Reflections need surfaces to bounce off of, and those mirrors can be other people.
And you can’t exactly reintroduce yourself into society if there’s was no introduction to begin with. You see, it’s not just about reconnections but—even with your existing relationships—building connections from scratch. Removing past baggage, past apprehensions, and starting from the bottom up.
So one day in the middle of that holiday season, many years back, emerging from the cocoon of blankets and junk, I connected with my family. And soon, after getting back to Manila, I connected with people who I’d learn to consider as friends.
The value of connection and this Christmas season
Looking back, I think introversion is not an excuse to shy away from others. You can be introverted but still not be an island of a person. (I still consider myself an introvert in more ways than one.)
For one, as the oldest of my generation in our family, connecting with relatives is a form letting history live. Letting the memories of ancestors before you didn’t know existed continue through (the movie Coco comes to mind).
Secondly, generally speaking, reaching out is the first step to finding people who may actually become of significance in your life. Through conversations, you realize that you are not alone in your thoughts, people may be going through similar problems, or you may discover viewpoints that can contribute to each other’s growth.
The connections you build, even if not numerous yet, become a net you can fall back on. Just like the neural network, they are a support system.
This Christmas, while everyone is taking a break from the rush of daily life and not thinking of deadlines, presentations, and whatnot, take the time to absorb the value of good conversations.
In an age of interconnectedness, let’s update the aphorism of “it’s better to give than to receive.” This Christmas, it’s better to give yourself—opening up and connecting with others—than to just receive. – Rappler.com
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