‘Stars Versus Me’ Review: Awful but strangely appealing

Joven Tan’s Stars Versus Me is without a doubt an awful film. The film, an adaptation of a novel, is about Elena (Maris Racal), a young girl brought up by a horoscope-addicted mother (Matet de Leon) to have her life dictated by signs and omens.

When Elena’s mother dies in a fire, she decides to wage war on the stars by doing the exact opposite of what her daily horoscope is dictating.

 

Then she meets Sonny (Manolo Pedrosa), the quintessential boy-next-door who is sadly afflicted with cancer. She falls in love with him, despite her pledge to disobey the fortune her stars have laid down for her.

There is predictably nothing novel about Stars Versus Me. Its interest with superstition is nothing more than a glorified artifice, an ornament to hopefully spice up what essentially is a commonplace tale of two very young lovers whose budding romance is threatened by a cruel twist of fate.

Eyes closed

Tan peppers the film with a lot of non-essential gimmicks. The film is littered with pointless animated sequences, lengthy MTV-esque montages, and delirious gags that do not contribute anything to Tan’s failed efforts at establishing romance. 

Stars Versus Me can actually do away without any visuals. Tan’s overwrought screenplay is viciously torpid, with Elena telling her entire story through voice-overs. The film’s many scenes serve only as needless complements to what has already been expounded on by the grating narration.

The editing is haphazard. In an effort to pace the story quickly, not only emotions are sacrificed, but also logic. The film looks lovely at times. However, all the efforts at establishing a certain level of gloss are betrayed by the fact that Stars Versus Me a film that can be fully understood with your eyes closed.

Whenever the film gives way to a sequence that is oddly reminiscent of badly produced karaoke videos, it puts to the fore Tan’s inability to communicate feelings without resorting to cheap tactics. In truth, the film lacks any ability to evoke affection. It is as rough and boring as neglected hollow block.

Immature performances

To add insult to injury, the film’s two leads, graduates of the latest Pinoy Big Brother, have very little acting prowess.

Racal is clearly better than Pedrosa. She can at least command some charm even if she is grossly incapable of infusing any form of charisma to her frequent voice-overs. She can be as cute as a button, whenever the script demands petty cuteness out of her. She only exposes her lack of experience when the film takes a turn into more serious territory, and she succumbs to gross overacting.

On the other hand, Pedrosa, with his ability to expose a sickly saccharine smile on cue, is just slightly better than a piece of driftwood.

Thankfully, Tan has recruited more seasoned performers to balance out the immaturity of his leads’ performances. Stars Versus Me is most watchable when it is Matet de Leon, Kiray Celis, Arlene Muhlach, Rita Avila, and Jenine Desiderio who are lending their on-screen presence to the film. 

Unfortunately, they are only there for short bursts of time, turning the film into something as excruciating as a badly staged high school play.

The bad film’s strange appeal

There are several more reasons why Stars Versus Me is such an outrageously bad film. However, despite all such reasons, one cannot simply declare that the film is plainly without entertainment value because it is, for some weird reason, thoroughly fun.

Tan, whose past works include the hilariously irreverent Echoserang Frog (2014) and the curiously funny Binibining K (2006), seems to have mastered the art of churning out glittered trash. His films rely on the lowest denominator of entertainment, whether they are the sight of teenage stars fresh out of an erstwhile spotlight or brash humor, to delight and engage certain senses.

Stars Versus Me, with all its disgusting warts and disfigurements, manages to appeal. It is blatantly cheap and somewhat manipulative. It is also consistent and cheeky. It really is strange, how this film that falls flat on its face in its attempt to ape a better-produced Star Cinema rom-com feels like a breath of almost fresh, but ultimately flatulent air. – Rappler.com

Francis Joseph Cruz litigates for a living and writes about cinema for fun. The first Filipino movie he saw in the theaters was Carlo J. Caparas’ ‘Tirad Pass.’ Since then, he’s been on a mission to find better memories with Philippine cinema. Profile photo by Fatcat Studios