MANILA, Philippines –  John Lloyd Cruz looked calm after winning the Gawad Urian for Best Actor for Honor Thy Father on Wednesday, June 22, but he admitted that he was nervous as he went up on stage.

The actor told reporters after the awards night at the Kia Theatre: “Okay na, medyo kumakalma na yung loob ko, kasi kanina kabadong-kabado ako. Eh siyempre, if you’re in the company of all these artists, ito yung mga kasama ko sa industriya diba?” (IN PHOTOS: Stars at Gawad Urian 2016 awards night)

(I’m okay and a bit calm inside, because a while ago, I was really nervous. Of course, if you’re in the company of all these artists, these are my colleagues in the industry, right?)

John Lloyd also said that he was personally expecting Heneral Luna star John Arcilla to win the award.

“Hindi, ang akala ko talaga si Kuya John. Nakita ko yung ginawa niya (I saw what he did) and it’s breathtaking,” he said.

John Lloyd was also asked to clarify why he said that he “does not believe in awards” in his speech.

“Hindi ‘yung award. It’s the honor that goes with it. ‘Yun ang mas kailangan, mas mahalaga para sa akin,” John Lloyd said.

(It’s not the award. It’s the honor that goes with it. That’s what is needed and is more important to me.)

He continued: “Sa paghihintay ko for the right time – ‘di ba? that was a long process. Napakatagal kong hinintay ‘yung pagkakataon na ‘yun. Hindi ko naman inakala na may pupuntahan ‘yung pagsugal ko.”

(In waiting for the right time – isn’t it? That was a long process. I waited long for that opportunity. I did not expect that my gamble would pay off.)

“Kaya importante ‘yung mga binigkas kong salita because ‘yun baga ang suma-tutal ng aking journey – yung kabuuan ng aking pinagdaanan.”

(That’s why the words I uttered were important because that is the sum total of my journey – it sums up what I have been through.)

John Lloyd also commented on observers who were expecting a sure win for him, since he got two nominations, including one for A Second Chance.

“Never ko namang inisip na may naglalaban-laban dito. Isa rin sa mga rason kung bakit hindi ako ganun kakomportable sa awards is because I really find it subjective sa tumitingin. Kung ako ang tatanungin, hindi ko naman ito [trophy] ibibigay sa sarili ko,” he said.

(I never thought that there was competition. One of the reasons why I’m not that comfortable with awards is because I really find it subjective. If it were up to me, I would not give this [trophy] to myself.)

When asked if his win for Honor Thy Father would mark the start of him appearing in more independent films, John Lloyd responded: “Sa utak ko kasi hindi naman siya dapat mahati [yung paggawa ng commercial and independent films.] Marami rin kasing umaabuso na term na ‘indie.’ Ako, I’d rather na gawin natin yung cinema as a whole.

(In my mind, filmmaking shouldn’t be divided into commercial and independent. There so many who abuse the term ‘indie.’ For me, I’d rather consider cinema as a whole.)

John Lloyd is currently finishing another Lav Diaz film, Ang Babaeng Humayo, with former ABS-CBN president Charo Santos acting in it, too. He will leave for New York for the 15th New York Asian Film Festival, where he will receive the Star Asia award. – Rappler.com