Growing up the ‘Fabulous’ way

Carol RH Malasig

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Marie Claire writes about how she was brought up by her fabulous mother

MOTHER KNOWS BEST. Marie Claire (R) and her mother Leonore (L) pose for a photo during a small gathering with the press. Photo by Carol Ramoran/Rappler

MANILA, Philippines – Lenore RS Lim has won several awards for her art but to her, there is nothing more rewarding than the book her daughter wrote about her.

“When I read on that book that she holds me in the highest regard and that she liked the way she was brought up, I choked. I was tearful. To me, that was the best. Better than any award I ever got,” Lenore told selected members of the press at a small gathering in Makati to promote her daughter’s book.

Marie Claire Lim Moore authored “Don’t Forget the Soap (And Other Reminders from my Fabulous Filipina Mother),” a compilation of anecdotes about her mother and their “very-Filipino” family while they were living in Canada and the United States. It is also a collection of stories from different points in her life: Stories from the tight-knit Filipino community, experience at Yale and travels as a young executive.

“When she (Marie Claire) gave me a copy of the manuscript, I told her I had apprehensions about the title and her calling me ‘fabulous’,” shared Lenore. “I don’t really see myself as someone who’s fabulous and people might start expecting that from me.”

However, Marie Claire explained that she calls her mother fabulous not because of expensive clothes and perfect make-up, but due to her unique way of bringing her and her brother up.

Gift of giving

“As kids, we (my brother and I) would always have a birthday party but no presents from our parents, the way our friends would,” Marie Claire said. “Instead of a present, my parents would donate to the School of Love and Hope under our names.” The School of Love and Hope is a center for Special Education in the Philippines for children with learning disabilities. Lenore would always say how nice it would be for the children to have a little celebration too.

Marie Claire admitted that at that time, it didn’t make much sense. It was not the My Little Pony Castle she wanted then. However, when she and her brother were all grown up and were able to visit the school, that’s when they found out how special their parents’ yearly gifts were.

“When we went to the school, some of the people there came up to us and said that they were celebrating my birthday since 1976,” Marie Claire said. 

Un-tiger Mom

While most will expect Lenor to be a lot similar to Amy Chua’s description of a Tiger Mother after raising successful children, the truth is, Lenore could not be anymore different.

Marie Claire shared a story about how her mother would even visit them in their room at night and stop them from studying when it’s already late. Lenore would turn off the lights and tell them they had studied enough and they should rest. 

“She would often tell us that she would rather let us have a well-balanced life than to have a straight-A kid.” 

During Marie Claire’s piano lessons, Lenore would tell the teachers that competition between the students did not sit well with her. “If the children want to be number one, they should have a reason for it. Just letting her (Marie Claire) learn how to play a fine tune is enough for me. But if she wants to be number one in piano class, she has to have a reason,” Lenore explained, adding that she didn’t want her kids to be too stressed out in just one aspect of their life.

A COLLECTION OF MEMORIES. Marie Claire Lim Moore's book is an easy read that will let you relate and laugh along with her family. Photo from the book's Facebook page.

Don’t forget the soap

In her book, Marie Claire said that she and her brother would often talk about growing up with “the immigrant experience.” Maintaining their Filipino identity despite living in the US was not that hard, especially with Lenore as their mother.

The concept of sending balikbayan boxes for their extended family back in the Philippines was very much alive in their family. Lenore and her husband never forgot their loved ones back at home.

“We hardly throw anything away. My mother would often tell us that someone from the Philippines might need it,” Marie Claire said. In the book, she tells the exact story of how she would come to realize that it wasn’t just about the little things that they set aside to fill up the balikbayan box or use for pasalubong (homecoming gift) every time they would visit the Philippines – it’s more about thinking about other people.

Writing 

Marie Claire’s plan was to write a book that was more of a guide to life in New York. After she and her family moved and stayed there for years, she obviously had a lot of tips to share – particularly for immigrants trying to get their feet wet in the Big Apple. 

However, while she was on maternal leave, waiting for her second baby, her writing became more about her mother and all the things she wants to instill in her children which she all learned from Lenore.

“My fear is that my children would find it hard to appreciate the little things when they grow up. Especially after being exposed to a better life,” she said.

In the end, it’s her parents’ fundamental values, perspective on life, people, children, and community which are what she wants to retain and pass on to the family’s next generation. – Rappler.com

Dont Forget the Soap (And Other Reminders from my Fabulous Filipina Mother) by Marie Claire Lim Moore is available at Fullybooked stores and in Amazon.

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