[Dear Lola Saturnina] Ex na text nang text, crush na hanggang 'hahaha' lang
Editor's Note: Rappler's Life & Style section will be publishing an advice (you can also call it an intervention) column penned by @LolaSaturnina of Twitter snark fame. So if you're in the mood to snap out of your tanga, need re-affirmation, or just happen to like writing letters, do drop us a line at email@example.com with the email header [DEAR LOLA SATURNINA].
Dear Lola Saturnina,
I broke up with my ex almost a year ago and hirap na hirap ako to get over her kasi minahal ko talaga siya but finally I felt ready to start dating again. I guess I've accepted that maybe it's for the best because we really have different views on some important things (ex. I want kids in the future and she doesn't, or sa money I always make it a point to have savings every month pero siya gastos lahat, and some other things).
I've been on a few dates and there is this other girl I am starting to like, but recently my ex (who has a boyfriend now) messaged me, saying she missed me. Bigla akong naguluhan because some of the old feelings came flooding back, and I remembered the good times I had with her. Should I give her another chance or would that be stupid?
Minsan pag ang mga ex bumabalik, pagsubok yan galing sa diyos, gusto niyang malaman kung tanga ka pa rin ba.
Wag kang tanga. Leave her in the past where she belongs.
Dear Lola Saturnina,
Sa mabuting palad, nakakausap ko po ang crush ko. Ayun nga lang, hindi ko po alam kung paano ko siya makakausap. Kapag kausap ko po kasi siya, parang puro "hahaha" lang ang nasasabi namin.
Hindi po ako marunong magpatuloy ng pag-usap na hindi akong nagmumukhang desperado. Paano ko po makakausap si crush nang tuloy-tuloy?
Una sa lahat, dapat alam mo kung ano ba ang objective mo. Flirtationship lang ba? O gusto mo maging friends muna kayo at gusto mong mas kilalanin siya? O naghahanap ka na ba ng true love at gusto mo malaman kung baka may pag-asa kayo ni crush? Depende sa gusto mong mangyari, kailangan i-adjust mo ang strategy mo.
Ikalawa, dapat maging consumer-centric ka. Gusto mo ngang kausapin si crush, pero bakit niya gugustuhin na kausapin ka? What's in it for him? Nakakatawa ka ba? Or good listener ka? Or magaling ka magbigay ng advice? Or may mga common hobbies ba kayo na mapapag-usapan? Find where his interests or needs overlap with your interests or skills, and start there.
Ikatlo, ito general rule lang, iwasan mo yung mga tanong na kayang masagot ng one word answer.
"Kumain ka na?"
"Ah ok kain na u hahaha"
END OF CONVERSATION
Mas maganda ang mga open-ended question, tulad ng:
"Kung last meal mo na yung lunch mo today, ano ang kakainin mo?"
Pwede rin ang current events plus open-ended question:
"Nasa final four ang UP, magugunaw na ang mundo. How would you spend your last 24 hours on earth?"
Alalahanin mo lang na conversations are like ping pong. You can serve, but the game won't go on if the other person isn't interested in returning the ball. Kaya galingan mo! At kung wala talaga, okay lang, at least nalaman mo na wala rin pala kayong mapapag-usapan, so pwede ka na magmove-on.
Good luck, and don't f*** it up.
In these changing times, courage and clarity become even more important.
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