Lola Saturnina’s holiday reunion survival guide

Editor’s Note: Rappler’s Life & Style section publishes an advice (you can also call it an intervention) column penned by @LolaSaturnina of Twitter snark fame. For Christmas, we asked our favorite lola for holiday advice. But if you’re in the mood to snap out of your tanga, need re-affirmation, or just happen to like writing letters, do drop us a line at lolasaturnina@gmail.com with the email header [DEAR LOLA SATURNINA].

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The holiday season means it’s time to see the people that you don’t really want to see but you HAVE to see at least once a year. Luckily, we’ve asked our favorite lola for advice to help you deal with your loved and hard-to-love ones.

From nosy titas to killjoy cousins, we’ve got you covered!

The hard-to-please tita who criticizes everything


“Yes tita, mas masarap po ang luto ninyo, you’re the best.”

Then walk away. It’s the season of giving, so pagbigyan mo na siya.

A spoiled brat niece or nephew


Paalala yan galing sa Diyos, practice safe sex.


The chismosa tita


Curious lang siya sa buhay mo kasi wala siyang maisip na pwedeng ikwento sa yo. Itanong mo na lang sa kanya kung anu-ano ang mga gamot niya pang-maintenance.

Siguradong madami siyang isasagot at makakalimutan na niya tanungin kung kailan ka ba magkaka-jowa/ikakasal/manganganak/mag-aanak #2/etc.


The drunk and politically incorrect tito


Team effort ang kailangan dito. Maghanap ka ng mga kakontsaba at isa-isa niyong ayain si tito na mag-shot, para maaga pa lang KO na agad siya. A sleeping drunk tito is the best kind of drunk tito.


Killjoy vegan cousin


Pasko naman, so sabihin mo na ang gift niya na lang this year (and for all the years to come) ay ‘wag siya mang-basag ng trip.


That lady who can’t stop talking about her new baby


Dalhin mo siya kay chismosa tita, marami silang mapapag-usapan!


Balikbayan na biglang may accent and complains about the Philippines nonstop


“Yes po, the traffic is horrible and everything is awful, umaalis kasi yung best and brightest natin eh! CHOS, happy new year, Ninang!”


Toxic masculinity cousin


Regaluhan mo na lang siya ng kopya ng documentary na ‘to with the dedication “Happy new year, magbago ka na! XOXO”


Competitive relative who always wants to outdo your stories


Kahit gusto mo talagang sabihan ng “Bes, overcompensating much?” maghunos-dili ka. Find it in your heart to respond graciously. Sabi nga ni JMC, give love on Christmas day.

Unsolicited advice tita/tito


Sabi nila wisdom comes with age, but sometimes it’s really just arthritis. Pagbigyan niyo na kaming mga unsolicited advice-givers, matanda na kami so just listen to us and let us die happy.

All other annoying relatives


Magpasalamat ka na lang na once a year lang ‘to. At kahit na ganyan sila, magpasalamat ka rin na at least may lechon at wala kang pasok! Happy holidays!

– Rappler.com