Philippine basketball

Don’t call me a bastard

Anthony Badoy Mondragon

This is AI generated summarization, which may have errors. For context, always refer to the full article.

Don’t call me a bastard
This is a story about a young woman who grew up without a father, and whose mother works thousands of miles away

MANILA, Philippines – The Miriam-Webster Dictionary defines a bastard simply as an illegitimate child or a love child whose parents were not married to each other at the time of her or his birth. 

Yna* was born in July 1994 at Delegate Angel Salazar Jr Memorial Hospital. She was still in her mother’s womb when her father left them. 

“I don’t know the reasons behind and I never try to ask my mom about it,” Yna said. However, she knows that she might someday discover and understand her father’s reasons for leaving. She believes there is a reason for everything.

Yna and her mother moved to Manila when she was still a kid, and returned to Antique when she was 7 years old.

To provide for her education, Yna’s mother went to Singapore to work as a mayordoma. She also worked in Malaysia as a babysitter. She has been working abroad since Yna was 5 years old.

Yna was left in the care of her mother’s first cousin in San Jose de Buenavista. Her birthdays and graduations were lonely, Yna said. Her aunts, uncle, cousins, and grandparents were the usual attendees during special occasions. 

Unlike others who shed tears of joy during their birthdays or graduations, Yna spent a lot of time in her room crying. She longed for the embrace of her parents.

“I often talk to myself and to God, that I sometimes think of myself as mentally deranged because I don’t share my problems with others, even with my best friend. It’s difficult,” she said.

Her mother was never present in any of her birthdays. During her debut, she was angry at her mother for breaking her promise to come home. While she appreciates all her mother’s gifts – money, jewelry, and clothes – they could never make her happy, she said.

Father

“Being a bastard is different. Seeing other kids with a complete family is so painful,” Yna shared.

“It is painful especially when I see a complete family going to church, or when my classmates would share stories about their fathers.”

Yna said she does not like talking about her father because it is painful to talk about someone who is not even around. She faces the grim reality that she has no father beside her.

“I am not good. I am a failure,” she said. Because of what happened to her mother, other people, especially their relatives, think that she will also suffer the same fate. 

She first saw her father when she was in second grade. Her paternal grandfather was the one who made the reunion possible. In her grandfather’s house, she experienced the embrace of her father for the first time after 8 years.

Her next meeting with him, however, was no longer as memorable as the first. When her grandfather died in 2010, she saw her father during the burial. But he evaded her and acted as if he did not recognize his own daughter. 

Since then, Yna would often see him in San Jose during the weekends. He has a new family now.

She vividly remembers the first time her half-sister communicated with her.

“It was painful when she asked me who’s my father,” she shared.

“Growing up was difficult. I have no father to scold me like what a real father does,” she said.

“I am just thankful that I have an uncle who fills in the gap left by my father. For my mother, I understand her situation although it is hard because I have no one to confide about my first crush, my best friend or my enemy. She is not there to take care of me when I am sick.” 

“I grew up taking care of myself. Everything that parents should be doing for their children I learned to do by myself. I became independent,” she added.

Forgiveness

Yna is not sure if she can forgive her father.

Each time she asks herself the same question, she remembers all the times he never paid her attention. Yna, however, said she is still open to talking to her father but it would depend on her father taking the initiative. 

Sometimes, she hopes that he were only her father by name, so that she would not be affected as much.

Yna wanted to study Information Technology, but was persuaded by her aunt to shift to Education so that there would be a teacher in the family. She realized that teaching is her calling. She wants to share her knowledge and experiences with young people.

Now 20 years old, Yna has already accepted the fact that she is an illegitimate child but she still considers herself lucky despite everything she has been through. She is thankful for being adequately provided for, for being guided and growing to be a good person, and for being loved by her family.

Yna believes she has to prove to herself that she can achieve her dreams even in the absence of her mother and father.

After graduating, she plans to ask her mother to come home for good.

“That is why I am doing my best because my mother is already excited to see me in a black toga,” she said. – Rappler.com

*Yna is not her real name

Anthony Mondragon is a volunteer for the Typhoon Yolanda Story Hub Visayas, a citizen journalism portal created in November 2013 by veteran journalists, student writers, mobile journalists, and photographers based in Iloilo City

Add a comment

Sort by

There are no comments yet. Add your comment to start the conversation.

Summarize this article with AI

How does this make you feel?

Loading
Download the Rappler App!