Love, life, and leftover women

The New York Times recently ran an opinion piece on “China’s Leftover Women“ that completely blew my mind.

If you haven’t read it, this photo posted on Facebook by Aware Singapore sums up some of its more infuriating points.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who saw this and reacted rather violently…

… although others may have been slightly more hip in their exclamations.

It really is BALDERDASH, though. Seriously?? This is the year 2012! The idea that a woman past the age of 27 – no matter how successful she may be in other aspects of her life – is considered a “leftover” and somehow found lacking because she isn’t married is just ludicrous.

I was almost 33 when I got married, so I’m guessing that in the eyes of the Chinese Women’s Federation, I wasn’t just a leftover – I was probably the equivalent of that indistinguishable greenish gook at the back of the fridge, in the Tupperware no one wants to touch.

China’s culture is different from ours, of course, and I’d like to think that the writers of those “teeth-gnashingly” insensitive articles on the Women’s Federation website are not representative of their entire nation. But it angers and saddens me that such an outdated and condescending mentality still exists anywhere.

It’s not as bad in the Philippines, but as progressive as our society strives to be, there are still echoes of the “You should be married by now!” mindset to be found lurking around in certain places. Any single thirty-something who has ever attended someone else’s wedding will attest to this.

Been there, felt that. Weddings were just the worst. 

It’s maddening that the pressure to marry by a certain age can still cause perfectly wonderful, self-sufficient and successful women to second-guess themselves and wonder if there’s something wrong with them.

I think this is the reason that those Chinese Women’s Federation articles made me want to go punch someone…

…or okay fine, at least participate in some sort of debate. Of course I couldn’t, so I pretty much just had it in my mind. Here’s how it went, in a nutshell.

Round 1:

Round 2:

Round 3:

Hehe, okay, kinda got carried away there. But if your husband cheats, you MAKE A FUSS, girl.

Love’s grand, and marriage is great, but I think it’s a mistake for people to think that it’s the be-all and end-all of a woman’s existence. It’s really not THE GOAL.

Self-actualization is the goal. I honestly believe that we’re all put on this earth with all the talents and flaws we have for a unique purpose – to contribute something to the world that no one else can. If that’s not the case, then why exist at all? 

For some people, becoming who and what they’re meant to be may require a life partner; for others, children, or a certain career path. It’s different for everyone. And it’s certainly not anyone’s place to dictate what someone else’s life purpose may be, or how or when their self-actualization should unfold.

Your life is yours. Your choices are yours. Don’t spend your time on earth running on a schedule set by someone else, and don’t settle for second-best just because you think you’re on some sort of deadline.

You’ll find and choose what’s right for you eventually, at the time that’s right for you. If you haven’t found it yet, that doesn’t make you a leftover – no matter what age you are.

There are no leftovers in this life. Contrary to what the Chinese Women’s Federation articles would have us believe, we don’t lose worth as we get older. Anything that’s of real value only appreciates with age. – Rappler.com