I feel less Filipino every day

Alfred Dicioco

This is AI generated summarization, which may have errors. For context, always refer to the full article.

Is it still important in this day and age to identify myself through my ethnicity?

CALIFORNIA, USA – Unlike densely populated Filipino neighborhoods here in Southern California like West Covina or Carson, I grew up in a more multicultural place like the West San Gabriel Valley.

The West San Gabriel Valley is comprised of roughly 75% Latinos and Asians, with less than a fraction of it Filipinos. If you drive down Valley Boulevard, one of the busiest commercial streets here in the San Gabriel Valley, it is not uncommon to see a dumpling or noodle house right next to a taqueria or hear people conversing mostly in Mandarin or Spanish. 

The high school that I attended for a couple of years, while having the usual elements of an American high school like football, prom, and standardized tests, have a high number of immigrant students who are only starting how to speak English compared to the number of native-born students. (READ: Should I stay or should I go?)

This is where I spent most of my teenage years after moving from the Philippines. While a part of me wished that I lived more closely to a bigger Filipino population, I welcomed the challenge of fitting in and getting to know people of different ethnicities. However, the more that I spend time living here, I began to wonder: am I becoming less Filipino every day? 

At first, it seems like a silly question.

Of course, I am Filipino because I was born in the Philippines, attended grade school and high school there, consider Filipino as my first language, and I grew up in a Filipino household where I learned how to “mano,” call my grandparents “lolo” and “lola,” and pray the rosary. Other Filipino households might practice different values and religions, but I was pretty sure of my “Filipinoness.” However, I am not sure that I get to show that side of myself all the time whenever I am with different groups of people.  

Code-switching

There is a term that linguists use called “code-switching” to describe the practice of people who have to alternate speaking from one language to another to get their point across to different groups. This also applies to alternating different sets of values and priorities that they use depending on the people that they are speaking with. 

For example, whenever we hang out with our friends at school or at work, we have a way of communicating with them that works in those kinds of environments, inside jokes about teachers or bosses, talking about schedules and vacations, etc. But whenever we meet with our parents, we try to act a little differently. Perhaps we don’t curse as much or talk about that girl we saw on campus and instead, talk about politics or the next family trip that we’re planning with our cousins.

We might not be as conscious of it when we code-switch, but we all do it in varying degrees. We are smart and adaptive people, so without compromising our “true” selves, we present different versions of ourselves to different people however appropriate. 

The same idea applies to dealing with people of different ethnicities. As we learn their culture better, their mannerisms and sense of humor, we adapt to the way they speak and act. Again, it’s not like we are selling ourselves out to fit the crowd we are in, but we learn to adapt in order to get their trust, to show that we empathize them and respect their culture. 

While code-switching sounds perfectly fine, I think that it only works best when one is rooted deeply in a single culture. I do not consider myself an expert in this subject matter, but speaking from experience, it can sometimes feel difficult for me to feel just how Filipino I still am with the numerous number of times I spend code-switching instead of just being “myself.” It also presents unique problems about conflicting values especially when it comes to matters of faith and national allegiance.

Faith

Back in college, I used to be part of a Filipino club comprised of mostly second and third-generation Filipino Americans and other people of different ethnicities. While most of the group do not speak Tagalog nor attend mass regularly, I think very highly of them people as with integrity and character.

One week after the culmination of our culture show, we scheduled a cast party which, unfortunately, landed on a Holy Thursday. While I attended the services offered at my school that night, I thought twice about attending our cast party because I grew up believing that I should keep Holy Thursdays solemn instead of going out with friends and drinking. However, I did not want to give my friends the impression that I was brushing them off especially after months of rehearsing with them for the show. More importantly, it was my senior year and most of the people who participated in it are my graduating friends. So, I decided to hang out with them but keep drinking to a minimum. 

At that time, I was also in a long-distance relationship with a girl in the Philippines. When I told her about what I did, she absolutely flipped out. She told me that I should not have gone out with my friends because Jesus died for my sins and I should have respected the solemn occasion. It was just a difficult argument to deal with because I know that she was right and I should have known better. But I also just wanted to be there with my friends, and I didn’t see anything wrong with that. 

If I was with a group of friends who shared the practiced and the same faith as me, maybe they would have rescheduled the party. But because not everyone in our group was a practicing Catholic, most of them did not see the need to move the date. I could have chosen to just stay at home and not go to the party, but I made a personal choice to be with my friends. Maybe they would have understood if I didn’t go, but it was important for me as well to be with them. 

While being Filipino does not always mean being a Catholic, being a Catholic is a huge part of my being a Filipino. It was hard to make peace with my desire to maintain my friendship with a diverse group of friends while staying true to the things that I learned about what a responsible Catholic Filipino should be.

Allegiance 

I also felt conflicted about my sense of national allegiance after attending my uncle’s military funeral. 

My uncle, Commander Joel Francis Tiu, grew up in Mabalacat, Pampanga, and enlisted with the United States Navy in 1984 at Clark Air Base. At age 49, he was one of the first Philippine-born officers, not to mention one of the youngest, who rose to the rank of Commander in the force. After being assigned to Germany, Saudi Arabia, Guam, and Iraq in his 28 years of service, he suffered from a heart attack in 2012.  

During his funeral at an exclusive military cemetery in Southern California, I listened to his fellow Navy officers and admirals talk about his life and how he served the United States with all heart and soul. Afterwards, he received a dignified military burial complete with the awarding of the flag to his family and a gun salute. 

As I was watching all of this unfold, I felt proud and honored to know him and be related to him.

But at the same time, it was strange seeing how American the whole ceremony was. Yes, he served the US Navy for a long time but he was also born in the Philippines, spoke Kapampangan, went to school at the University of Santo Tomas, and grew up in a Filipino household. No one exactly gets honored with the national flag if they were born in Philippine soil but it just felt biased to me how the United States gets all the credit for his accomplishments. When he was alive, I am sure that he was also an expert at code-switching between his Filipino and American self.

At the same time, I wondered if it played any part at all when he was climbing the ranks as a young sailor who wished to be the best person that he could be?  

Maybe I worry that I feel less Filipino every day because the Philippines is playing less and less of a direct role in the person that I am now becoming. I may have grown up in a Filipino environment and yet, circumstances have brought me to another country.

However, will I not always be a Filipino wherever I go, whoever I serve, and whatever I become to be? If I stop eating adobo for the rest of my life, stop cheering for Manny Pacquiao, quit being a Catholic, or serve under the American flag, does that make me any less of a Filipino? More importantly, is it still important in this day and age to identify myself through my ethnicity? – Rappler.com


Alfred Dicioco is a reporter for the Alhambra Source. He was raised in Manila and Los Angeles. He graduated with a degree in Theater from the University of Southern California. Follow him on Twitter: @freddieknows

Add a comment

Sort by

There are no comments yet. Add your comment to start the conversation.

Summarize this article with AI

How does this make you feel?

Loading
Download the Rappler App!