Father’s Day without my father

Malene Palaje

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20 years after he passed away, we still remember my father every father's day

I am a self-confessed ‘Papa’s girl’ and I believe that it is still true until now.

Every Father’s Day reminds me that I won’t be able to shower my dad with compliments. 

I lost my father more than 20 years ago. I was still in Primary 5 then, while my youngest brother was 9-months old.

I can still vividly remember how much he cared and loved us. Being the eldest among a brood of 6, I witnessed how my father was a responsible and good provider. He was a barangay captain during that time while working full-time in an electric company.

My father was a very caring and sweet husband to my mother. He did his share of the household chores. He would normally cook lunch before leaving for work.

Though most of his time was normally used up as a public servant, we never felt neglected in anyway.

I remember our usual routine before going to bed: We would be in their room singing, playing and bonding as a family. We would end the night by praying together for a new day; hoping that the next day will be the same for us – doing the same things that we love.

GONE TOO SOON. The author's father was stabbed to death when he was a barangay captain. Photo courtesy of Malene Palaje

He was a dedicated man not only to his family but also to his work. Above all, he  established a good relationship with the Lord. I remember that he was very keen to hear mass on days of obligations. And since we were also devotees of some patron saints, we would frequently travel an hour or two just to visit several churches. He was a loyal follower of some Catholic traditions such as the “Dawn Mass,” Holy Week processions, and the “Salubong.” In some cases, he would wake us up as early as 3AM to witness the momentous encounter with Mama Mary and Jesus Christ.

Twist of fate

Life had been good to us and I couldn’t have asked for more. Sadly, our lives changed in an instant.

My father was stabbed and lost his life while performing his duty as a public servant. A man, who was summoned for complaints that he hurt a kid, was under the influence of drugs and stabbed my father. It happened a few meters away from our house so we heard the commotion.

My siblings and I ran to see what happened. We saw papa being carried by some men. His white shirt turned red and blood flowed from his body.

My mother was in denial at that time. Even if she saw how hard we were crying, she hoped papa was alive and would soon recover. It was so heartbreaking and traumatic for us to see him in that condition. I was praying he would be saved but he was declared dead-on-arrival at the hospital.

Why God?

Acceptance and recovery seemed uncertain. There were many questions left unanswered like why it happened to us and why him? Why did he have to die that way? If we had to lose him, why not die of a natural death so that we could have spent more time with him? And that my younger siblings could have felt how it is to be loved by him?

My mom was left alone. She single-handedly raised us. I acted as a father to my younger siblings.

Many milestones and events passed. We were all wishing that papa was there to witness those meaningful days in our lives. I could’ve share with him personally everything: my joys, pains, and even heartaches.

How I wish I could see that look from him that means “everything will be alright.”

Even though I could usually talk to him when I’m down, it would still be nice to get a father’s hug when I feel like giving up and a pat on back when I did a good job.

Remembering

Every Father’s Day, we remember papa by hearing mass, lighting a candle, and offering prayers.

For some children, whose fathers are still alive, it is a joyous occasion. To be with their fathers is a chance to give back the love for their hard work and loving nature.

For those people whose fathers have died, Father’s Day may be far from festive; but it is still the best time to express our gratitude to our fathers. It is written in the bible, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” – Exodus 20:12

We have different stories of our fathers to tell. You might love him or hate him. However, a father still plays a very crucial role in our lives. So, let us love and remember our fathers. – Rappler.com

Malene Palaje works as an IT Test professional in Singapore. She is a Certified Associate Financial Planner of the Philippines. A Financial Literacy advocate. She loves to write, speak her mind and share her opinions to others. Visit her blog: http://mals-mindspeaks.blogspot.sg/

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