Enrile’s Top 10 LSS

On The Floor, Tukso, Teach Me How To Dougie and more. Satirical blogger @I_amHolo makes a list of songs he suspects the presiding senator-judge has been listening to during the #CoronaTrial.

@I_AMHOLO. The Social Media Climber

(Holo is a satirical blogger. He also interviews Twitter personalities via the hashtags #in140char (“Twitterviews” with journalists and celebrities) and #TweetConPH (Social media conference with policymakers and advocates). You may follow his account on Twitter: @I_amHolo.) 


If you notice, senator-judge Juan Ponce Enrile wears earphones during the impeachment trial of Chief Justice Renato Corona to monitor the proceedings. I doubt they are a hearing aid. I strongly suspect they are hooked to a Walkman. 

For those who do not know what a Walkman is, it’s a portable audio cassette player built in 1978 when Enrile was the dictator’s Minister of National Defense.

Anyway, here are the top 10 songs he listens to when bored or drowned by the cacophony of voices in the Senate session hall. Each song is dedicated to a particular epal on the floor. They have been giving the presiding officer of the impeachment court a bad LSS (Last Song Syndrome):

1. Baby by Justin Bieber

Enrile dedicates this haunting hit by the Canadian recording artist to Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, whom he addresses as “The distinguished baby from Iloilo.” He usually sings it with his grandchildren. Enrile is a secret Belibier.

LSS: 

Baby, baby, baby, oh

Like baby, baby, baby, no

Like baby, baby, baby, oh

 

2. Firework by Katy Perry

Arguably one of the most covered songs on Youtube, this catchy song reminds Enrile not of Katy Perry kissing a half-naked boy but of Miriam spewing out 3 sentences per second across the hall.

LSS:

‘Cause baby, you’re a firework

Come on, show ’em what you’re worth

Make ’em go. Oh, oh, oh

As you shoot across the hall

 

 

3. Rolling in the Deep by Adele

Have you watched the song’s MTV where Adele belts out huge bluesy notes while sitting down surrounded by hundreds of glasses? Imagine if those glasses will break. The sound is akin to Miriam’s histrionics. Enrile tweaked the lyrics a bit.

LSS: 

There’s a fire starting in Miriam’s  heart

Reaching a fever pitch and it’s bringing out her bark

 

4. Urong Sulong by Regine Velasquez

Obviously, this song is dedicated to chief prosecutor Rep. Niel Tupas. It was popularized by the Songbird of Asia in 1987 when senator-judge Gregorio Honasan was a struggling coup plotter.

LSS: 

Urong sulong ka, bakit ka ganyan? Urong sulong ka


5. Kahit Maputi Na Ang Buhok ko by Rey Valera

This endearing classic ballad is the theme song of Enrile’s bromance with defense lawyer and former Supreme Court Justice Serafin Cuevas.

LSS:

Kung tayo ay matanda na 

Sana’y ‘di tayo magbago 

Kailanman, nasaan ma’y 

Ito ang pangarap ko 

(Cuevas objects to the next stanza, calling it “irrelevant, immaterial and impertinent.” Enrile ordered to have it stricken from the record.)

Makuha mo pa kayang ako’y hagkan at yakapin, hmm… 

Hanggang pagtanda natin 

Nagtatanong lang sa ‘yo ako pa kaya’y ibigin mo 

Kung maputi na ang buhok ko 



6. Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang by Ogie Alcasid

Enrile ordered his aidedecamp to find a cassette tape of the popular videoke song immediately after the House prosecution panel named Ilocos Norte Rep. Rodolfo Farinas as deputy chief prosecutor. Enrile has no problems having Tupas around as lead decoration.

LSS:

Bakit ngayon ka lang

Bakit ngayon kung kelan ang lead counsel ay ‘huling walang alam’


 

7. Ikaw lang (Loren) by Martin Nievera

This theme song of the teleserye Nasaan Ka, Elisa is dedicted to Senator-in-hiding Loren Legarda.

LSS:

Nung ikaw ay nawala 

Jologs na ang mga damit nila

Ikaw lamang ang tanging fashionista


 

8.Tukso by Eva Eugenio

For threatening to present 100 witnesses to the impeachment court, Enrile admonishes the prosecution with this jukebox hit.

LSS:

Kayrami nang witnesses na tinawagan

Kayrami nang mediang ginambala

Kayrami nyo nang kapalpakan

O, Quimbo, layuan mo ako


 

9. On the Floor by Jennifer Lopez

And since everyone is epal on the floor, Enrile wants this song to be the impeachment theme song.

LSS:

If you go hard you gotta get on the floor

If you’re a PNoy freak then step on the floor

If you’re for Corona then tear up the floor

Break a sweat on the floor

Yeah we work on the floor

Enrile remembers former Senator Tessie Aquino-Oreta everytime he plays the song. But he has another song in mind for the former senator-dancer, rounding up his top 10 LSS.

 

 

10. Teach Me How To Dougie by Cali Swag District

This hip-hop song which popularized the “Dougie” hand move is the Dancing Queen in the age of Youtube. It would have been an apt theme song for Edsa Dos.

Trivia: Enrile spends those “one-minute” trial breaks for Dougie dance lessons. Two weeks into the trial, he hasn’t perfected it yet. Miriam has been a huge distraction. So will the 100 prosecution witnesses be. – Rappler.com

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