MANILA, Philippines – What would Ruby Tuason do if her application to be state witness is rejected?

The former social secretary, who is usually sharp and quick with her answers, paused for a few seconds. “I don’t know, I’ll cross the bridge when I get there,” Tuason finally said.

This is the kind of uncertainty Tuason faces after she returned to the Philippines. Tuason is currently a “provisional state witness,” pending the Ombudsman’s assessment of her testimony.

She’s accusing powerful politicians, including senators, of pocketing millions of government funds. (READ: Court has final say on Tuason as state witness)

Tuason on Friday, February 21, appeared in an open forum in the Ateneo de Manila University. “I’m here to right my wrongs, by revealing what I know is true,” Tuason said in her opening statement.

Early February, Tuason returned to the country after months of hiding in the United States. Tuason, along with alleged pork barrel mastermind Janet Lim Napoles, and Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla, face plunder charges for stealing pork barrel funds through bogus NGOs.

Repeating a line from her opening statement during a Senate blue ribbon committee hearing, she said: “For the sake of a better tomorrow, I am ready to answer your questions.”

Tuason’s mistake

The forum was the first time Tuason, outside of her Senate appearance, spoke to the public about her involvement in the scam. Sources close to her said she has long wanted to face the public. “Pero ayaw niya ng media,” the source said. (But she doesn’t want to speak to media.)

Tuason was occasionally frank, but generally guarded. Asked why she got involved in Napoles’ network in the first place, Tuason said: “I will be a hypocrite if I tell you I wasn’t attracted by the commission.”

The mechanics of the forum was a compromise – only students, faculty and alumni from Ateneo could ask questions vetted by Tuason’s legal counsel. Journalists were present, but not allowed to ask questions.

She chose to speak inside a university, Tuason said, because she wanted young people to learn from her mistakes. “I invite you to learn from my mistakes, to look at all the facts and incentives of all the characters involved,” she said.

The mistake? Putting friendship before her values, she said.

Asked what she wants her grandchildren to learn from her own experience, Tuason quipped: “Don’t deal with government,” eliciting laughter from the crowd.

Turning more serious, Tuason added she wanted her grandchildren and the youth “to be careful.” “I valued friendship more than values. I’ll just tell them that before they do business with anybody. If you made a mistake, admit it and try to do something about it,” she said.

Search for redemption

Rappler earlier reported that Tuason wanted to come clean following the urging of family members. An emotional Tuason explained to the Senate her motivation for coming clean. “I felt like Judas Iscariot,” she said.

All the time she spent along in the US, said Tuason, forced her to reflect on her role in the scam. Now that she’s back in the country, has telling the truth helped?

“Redeemed? At least I feel better,” said Tuason.

Her revelations, so far, have left people, including some senators, wanting. Even after calling Tuason the “perfect state witness,” Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago doubted if she was telling the complete truth. Tuason, said Santiago, seemed to be “covering up” for nemesis Senator Juan Ponce Enrile, by implicating his former chief-of-staff Gigi Reyes.

Senator Antonio Trillanes said Tuason is in cahoots with Enrile, and thrown into the fray to “sabotage” the case.

Tuason denied both accusations. “If it is true that I was working for a certain senator, why would I include any sort of information linking him to the scandal? The best action I would take, if I were in service of men with skeletons in the closet, is to keep my mouth shut and in content with exile,” she said.

She also said she didn’t engage in business with any other legislator, contrary to Estrada’s accusation.

Broken ties

Asked whether it was “easy” for individuals or groups from the private sector to deal with politicians, Tuason said it only happened because she had close ties with the politicians she dealt with.

Tuason is a friend of the Estradas, even serving as former president Erap Estrada’s social secretary. She was particularly fond of the younger Estrada, pork barrel dealings aside. “Malambing naman talaga yang batang yan,” she said. (He is a sweet person.)

Reyes was no stranger as well. When she would visit the US, Reyes would stay with her son, Tuason said. “I choose, yung friends talaga,” she said.

The friendship, at least with the younger Estrada, has turned sour since her provisional admission into the Witness Protection Program. Even before a student finished asking Tuason about Estrada’s claim that she didn’t care for the poor, she said: “How does he [Estrada] know that? I don’t parade myself when I help somebody.”

Estrada was questioning Tuason’s statement that she felt even more guilty after seeing the destruction caused by Typhoon Yolanda (Haiyan).

Even before coming back to the country though, the two were already at odds. Tuason and Estrada spoke to each other in August 2013, a month after the pork barrel scam broke. Estrada claimed Tuason asked for financial help.

Tuason, meanwhile, insisted she was asking him for legal help since she had never been sued before.

Asked about death threats, Tuason said she has not received any. “None, none… yet,” she said.

Tuason’s legacy

Even if her testimony has been called a “slam dunk” against the two senators, Tuason is quick to say that implicating people isn’t the ultimate goal of her decision to come out and testify.

Tuason could only manage a hearty laugh when asked who among the senators she would want to see in jail. “Delikado ata for me to answer that,” she added. (It would be dangerous for me to answer that.) 

“I am not here to bring down anyone. I started this as a personal mission: for peace of mind and I am not here to give my opinion,” she said. She knows the pork barrel scam will haunt her beyond the grave. The legacy she wants to leave behind is simple, said Tuason. “That I am really very sorry for what I did.” – Rappler.com