RAW Deal: Tip your hat to the new constitution

Joe 'the Grappler' Marsalis

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RAW Deal: Tip your hat to the new constitution
Why are we getting a new WWE season in the middle of September? Well, ratings.

MEMPHIS, TN—Last Monday night marked a new season of RAW.

When did the last season end, you ask? Well, the right answer seems to be that it ended the second before this episode came on the air. You’d think that the prevailing logic, as established in WWE video games since Season Mode was a calendar-based thing, is that the real WWE year ends at WrestleMania and begins again the next night at RAW. It’s always been written that way, too—like any other season finale for a TV show, major arcs end and fresh ones sprout from the fallout.

So why are we getting a new season in the middle of September?

Well, ratings, really. The NFL begun its 2015-2016 season last week, and to make things seem like just as big a deal as the NFL, the WWE hit their arbitrary reset button.

How you should be looking at it is simple, though: the WWE, like all brands worth their salt, is trying to manipulate how you look at their product. If they tell you it’s apparently a new season, you’re expected to believe it’s a new season. If they tell you it’s the first time Sting will be wrestling on Monday Night RAW, even if it’s true, you’re still expected to jump with excitement. If anything is, in WWE’s words, the biggest this or the most monumental that or the most amazing whatever in WWE history, the faithful are expected to react accordingly.

That’s how they get away with not having to uphold even the most basic of logic—you beat audiences over the head enough with shouting and repetition and they’ll eventually fold. That’s why Ryback can just go talk to the Authority and set up an Intercontinental Championship match with Kevin Owens, regardless of whether Owens actually deserves it within the context of the fake sport’s rules. That’s why the Dudley Boyz suddenly find themselves the #1 contender to the Tag Team Championships after the Prime Time Players lose their rematch. That’s why Charlotte gets a DQ win (and a subsequent championship rematch) after she gets worked over by Twin Magic, but Paige just gets a match restart when the same thing happened to her a few months back.

You see, even though the WWE is a fake sport and 90% of the storyline interaction is scripted, the world has to make sense in order for drama to heighten organically. The reason why, say, the last minute of a basketball game is exciting is because you know the rules and strategies hold up: a team down by a handful of points can foul the opposing team, and everyone knows it’s going to lead to free throws, a chance to miss them, and a chance to come back in the game. If, one day, a foul like that suddenly stops resulting in a free throw opportunity because somebody decided to change the rules, you lose a lot of the clutch drama.

So welcome to the new season, everybody. And with the way things look right now, get on your knees and pray you don’t get fooled again.

 

High spots:

  • Despite my gripes with all the storyline logic (or lack thereof), this episode of RAW featured some really solid wrestling. At the very least, they tried to live up to the season premiere by having some strong matches.
  • And they started off really, really hot with New Day vs. Prime Time Players for the Tag Team Championships. It’s a shame that we won’t be seeing the PTP challenge at Night of Champions this Sunday, but it’s understandable as the Dudleys are hotter and a bigger draw. They did prove, however, that the PTP should not be left out of the championship scene.
  • This GIF will not do it justice, but not enough people are talking about the Pink Panther. 

  • Also, at this point, Paige vs. Sasha Banks is a much more entertaining Divas feud than Charlotte vs. Nikki Bella. 

  • John Cena and Sheamus might have very well put out the best match they’ve ever done (and they’ve had quite the history). I’m not entirely sure if Cena should have won that match clean, at the very least, but it might very well be the match of the night. (It’s extra amazing considering Cena wrestled again in the main event.)
  • And, yet again, Cesaro.

  • Even though the Divas title match wasn’t out of this world amazing, I appreciated what they were trying to do with the angle. If there wasn’t so much hype around Nikki Bella breaking AJ Lee’s record and Charlotte trying to stop it, it wouldn’t have gone over so terribly.
  • The match wasn’t anything special, but it bears noting that Sting is looking really good out there. I think we can all expect a solid WWE Championship match on Sunday.

 

Low blows:

  • Ryback is starting to turn me off, and I’ve finally figured out why. I originally thought he was going to be a good babyface Intercontinental champion, but it looks like he’s trying on the same pa-cute superhero babyface Roman Reigns was trying to be after the Shield broke up last year. While there’s no denying that all the stuff about him and the Secret is true, everything comes off really forced. He’s cutting wordy promos with a put-on positive role model tone that works for very, very few people (one of whom is a guy who’s now completely ostracized from the WWE) and he’s looking all the worse for it. It doesn’t help that he’s facing Kevin Owens, who’s the king of keeping it real. 

  • The Memphis crowd was too, too quiet. For a lot of matches that were at least decent, they were sleeping way too much.

 – Rappler.com

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