[OPINION | Dash of SAS] Things I wish my mother told me: The one about heartbreak
Random ruminations about life. This time about heartbreak.
(You can read earlier editions of “Things I Wish My Mother Told Me.”)
Even the nice boy will hurt you.
You will love the bad boy because you think you will be the one who can change him. There will be tears when you realize that only he can change himself.
You will love the nice boy because you’re tired of the bad boy’s drama and want to get off the emotional roller-coaster. But the truth is, even the nice boy will hurt you at some point. Even nice boys make mistakes. It will be up to you to figure out if the mistake was a lapse in judgment or a mark of character.
Don’t look for a relationship. Look for a person.
The uncoupling will take getting used to. You will have many reasons to think you need to be in a relationship right after a breakup. You’re bored. You’re lonely. You’re horny. You don’t want to be alone. You want to show him or her (and yourself) that they are easy to replace.
Don’t look for a relationship. That could be with just about anyone. Look for a person. The kind of person whose name you can list under “Person to Call in Case of Emergency.” That’s the one for keeps.
You don’t always have to have The One. Sometimes “some one” will do.
I know, I know. That sounds like the complete opposite of what I just said. Know that love knows many shades and various intensities, but knows no gender. Love is love. It doesn’t have to last for it to be some sort of wonderful. Just trust me on this one.
‘Just give it time’ is bullshit.
You will hear different permutations of the “give yourself some time” line. Let me tell you now that that in itself is bullshit.
As my favorite relationship expert Esther Perel said, “Time never exists on its own. It’s what happens in it. You have to give it meaning. You have to shape it.”
Allow yourself to cry, to mourn and grieve. Then get busy. There is no time to waste. Go out there and rebuild another life, another future, for yourself. Chase bigger dreams, run after new experiences, meet new people.
Keep on reading. A broken heart is a bitch. The books and stories you read will give you the creative courage and the imagination to wiggle out of the heartbreak rabbit hole you may find yourself sinking in.
And if there’s one other thing you should know, keep listening to podcasts by Esther Perel, Dan Savage, and Anna Sale. They’ll know what to say on just about anything.
Do not have a social media meltdown.
You’re going crazy with all the thoughts running around your head. Your heart feels like it’s going to burst with all the conflicting emotions. Do not, for the love of God, take to social media to pour your guts out. Write it down. Record it. Call for a lockdown with your besties. You are not a celebrity. There is nothing special about your heartbreak. There’s nothing special about a star-studded breakup either. It just makes for juicier gossip.
Men come and go, but your besties are forever.
There is forever in your besties. The men (or women) passing through your life will be like something of a revolving door. Whatever way you feel about their departure – sadness, relief, joy – your besties will always be around to listen or help you pick up the pieces.
Always remember to return the favor. When it’s your turn to lend a shoulder or do the cleanup, drop everything and be the bestest friend. Remember to bring the ice cream, alcohol, or whatever is your bestie’s preferred poison.
What Life takes away, the Universe will find a way to give back.
You lost the one you thought was going down in the books as the love of your life. It happens. You move on knowing that people you love will not always be fair, but the Universe will find a way to make everything right again. You just have to remain open and grateful.
Freedom will look good on you – and will feel even better.
When you get around to deciding that you want to feel better and want to take back your story and write a new one, that is when you will welcome freedom and all the possibilities it brings. Your bestie will see your new profile pic and message you, “Freedom looks good on you,” and you will say: “It does. It feels even better.” – Rappler.com