#UnsentLetters: Aftertaste

Unsent Letters is a newsletter curated by Shakira Sison featuring unspoken sentiments gathered from reader submissions. It features unsent letters to real and imagined lovers.  

Honestly, you’re just this bad aftertaste I can’t wait to get rid of.

I say that, but I also ask myself, how did we get here? To losing that respect we had for each other, the one I expected you to leave for me even after everything.

How could you? I was true to all my promises except the last one, but you really didn’t give me much choice, did you? Was I supposed to continue waiting for you after you forgot all the words you were supposed to keep?

“You’re the last woman I will ever love.” Maybe I was naïve, or maybe you were just so goddamn convincing when you uttered those words. You even called me a woman, even though I was barely that. You went as far as telling me you don’t want her, or anyone else, in your future. Just me, you said. It will always be me, you promised.

You shouldn’t have. I never deserved those words, because you didn’t really stay true to them. You should have just told me that it was all temporary. Instead you gave me all these plans and assurances.

I shouldn’t have. I fought for you, against friends, against your own mother. I fought even with my sane self, telling me to give up when you returned my kisses, when you didn’t return my calls. I was fighting until the end, until I almost forgot what dignity was. I shouldn’t have, honey, because the way you stopped caring altogether proved just how stupid I was. 

Even after all this time, I still get the feeling that it was your cowardice that made you talk about me like I was never the sun in your life for even a second.

Because I know you. I think I know you. I know how you hide behind your criticism to get rid of your own insecurities. I know how even if you read this, and a voice inside you tells you that this is about you, you would never admit it. For a person with a low self-esteem, you have too much pride. You are a walking contradiction.

You know what, I’m not even asking for you to run after me. We both know you’re too much of a coward. And besides, you’re “happy” now, aren’t you? But all I really wanted was for you to at least… at least value what we had. At least leave some for me. Like I still do for you.

Not love, no. We’re past that. I don’t even want to think about that. Appreciation, maybe? Because I know I gave you so much, even when you didn’t deserve it.

Appreciation, you ungrateful kid, that’s all I am asking for. Because what we had was something. It was, and you know it, too, but you tell that girl beside you otherwise.

See, I know you too well. And I wish I could rid myself of this aftertaste that is worse than the taste of blood in my mouth. – Rappler.com

Do you have your own Unsent Letter? Send them to unsentletters@rappler.com. Selected letters will be anonymized and edited for clarity and brevity. By submitting to Unsent Letters, you represent that the work is your own and that you waive your rights to it for present and future publication.