#AskMargie: Stalking tendencies

Rappler.com
Dr. Margie Holmes wraps up this 3-part series by talking about recognizing stalker tendencies

MANILA, Philippines – Do you have stalker tendencies?

After defining stalking and sharing stories of being stalked, Dr. Margie Holmes wraps up this 3-part series by talking about recognizing stalker tendencies.

In this third episode, we will also listen to the stories of those falsely accused of stalking.

Watch:

Watch previous episodes on stalking:

#AskMargie: Stalking

#AskMargie: Being stalked

Script below:

This week we wrap up our discussion on stalking.
In this third episode, we’ll listen to the stories of those falsely accused of stalking and talk about recognizing stalker tendencies.

Carlos Celdran comments: This is the Facebook age. Everyone is a stalker.

A lot of you agreed, with some saying looking at your crush’s Facebook profile is already considered stalking.

@dizzy_tokyo says: Agree. We tend to peek at the profiles of people we like or hate just to know what they’re up to.

@KitN says: Yes, voyeurs at the least. But everyone is also an exhibitionist.

Ging Berdon says: Carlos is right. I think in some perverse way we want to be “stalked”. It gives us some sense of importance.

@diambrocio asks: What’s up with people who complain about being cybertalked when they publicized all of their social media stuff anyway?

Chad Villarico asks: Is seeking for truth and satisfying your curiosity considered stalking? If it is, then I definitely have stalking tendencies.

Thanks for your honesty, Chad. And guess what, UP professor Johnrev Guilaran agrees with you.

Johnrev Guilaran: Most of us “stalk” from time to time. For me, it’s making a connection. When one tries to find out what his/her crush likes, it’s a form of stalking in a way, but others call it “investigating.” I think it’s a way of “sizing up” a possible mate.

Let’s move on from “stalking lite” on FB and go to the more unpleasant “being accused of stalking”:

Carlos Gonzales shares: I was accused of being a stalker back in college by a gay person with a sharp tongue who was trying to ruin me. He wanted to cover his faults after I accidentally found out what he’d been writing online about my classmates. And his classmates didn’t even bother to hear my side of the story. I didn’t care about them enough to make an effort.

Ferdz de O shares: A decade ago I became friends with a woman who was in a relationship with a lesbian. After they broke up, my friend dated another lesbian. When the new girl found out I was still in contact with my friend’s ex-girlfriend, she started stalking me. She stalked my social media accounts, so I shut them down. Things escalated until one day, I received a “summons” from the barangay with false accusations like “violence against women and children” and “harassment.” My colleagues at work started to look at me like I’m a criminal. Thank God the barangay dismissed the case. I felt friendless, so I turned to my blog to express myself. My blog didn’t contain defamatory remarks, so I was shocked when I got summons for libel. My performance at worked dipped and my life became a mess. I got a lawyer and got the charges dismissed.

I learned the reason why they knew so much about me was because I was stalked and my records dug up.

Francis Benjamin Estuche: A friend of mine was accused of stalking. He worked in the same street as a nurse and also lived a block away from her. On his way to work, he gave the girl a lift. It became a regular morning schedule and they became casual friends. Two weeks later, the girl started driving to her own workplace. She told her fellow nurse my friend was stalking her. My friend was puzzled, one thing led to another, and a TRO was issued.

This is a case of how stalking was oversimplified. The courts should establish malicious intent and actual invasion of privacy.

I also asked: Do you worry that you are or have ever been a stalker? What are the signs? Here’s what you said.

Juseph Elas: I know for a fact na stalker ako and that’s something na di ko kinababahala…Di naman umaabot sa point na nakaka-harass na yung act. Di naman ako obsessed. Ninja moves lang kung gusto mo mag stalk.

Here’s an email from Anonymous who confesses she still stalks her boyfriend’s ex. She shares:

Anonymous: I’m a female, happy and content in my six-month relationship with my male partner Aries. But I don’t know why I keep stalking this girl Mira, whom my current boyfriend courted before. I felt like a back up plan. I thought, if things went well with Mira and Aries, the love story I am living now will remain in my dreams.

Before I said yes to Aries, I confronted him with this, that he might choose her again over me. My insecurity reached its peak when Mira showed signs she actually feels something for Aries – she blocked me and Aries on social media.

He assured me that he’s already over Mira. Ako na lang ata hindi naka-move on.

So I still stalk Mira. I visit her social media sites and see what she’s up to. I think I want to know her better in order to know why Aries chose her over me. I want to stop stalking and prove myself and Aries that I trust him but I always end up still stalking her.

@diambrocio asks: What’s up with people who complain about being cybertalked when they publicized all of their social media stuff anyway?

One viewer wants to know: How do I stop?

@joshua aaron says: I’m still stalking someone on FB and I really want to stop. It’s killing me every time I read something about him being happy.

WRAP UP

If one has tried to stop but has failed several times, it’s a hint that it can be considered OCD. Medication helps, but at most, 50% of the time. What therapists have found most successful and most promising is therapy via neuroscientific training. Will share with you if I get, not just 1 or 2 requests, but a clamor for such an episode! A wee bit theoretical kasi, thus difficult to make good TV, but we’ll try, if we’re sure enough of you want it.

Next week we’ll do something similar to what we did today: All these things we think “normal people” would never do, have we ever considered doing them ourselves? OR… what would push us to do something we never considered doing? sex video part 2 .

– Rappler.com

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