MANILA, Philippines – What are the signs of a potential cheater?
For the next two weeks, clinical psychologist Dr. Margie Holmes will talk discuss if there are signs you should look out for to find out of your partner is likely to cheat or not.
This week, Dr. Holmes will focus on boys.
Are there types of men and women who are more likely than others to cheat on their partners?
For this episode we’ll focus on the men.
Many of you said insecure guys tend to be unfaithful.
Cherry Agutaya says: Men who are cheaters are full of insecurities because they need someone else to boost their inflated ego. They have to step on someone just to feel superior.
Ivy adds: He will be very possessive of you, demanding that you report your every move.
Antonio Pe Yang: Those who have an overblown sense of self-entitlement. That they’re somehow “owed” something by their significant other that they’re not getting, and they’re entitled to get it from somebody else.
But some of you said be wary of the friendly ones too.
Ricky Maramba says men who are abnormally chivalrous are likely to cheat.
While Cherry Agutaya says: I think guys who are “too friendly” and have too many female friends are most likely to cheat. They are good with words too.
DR. HOLMES: Oh yes, mga bolero!
Bert Quibuyen: I think most normal guys will cheat IF given the opportunity. What prevents him from exercising promiscuity are factors like a loving relationship, his environment, culture, perhaps occupation, religiosity, lack of opportunity.
Bert continues: How can you tell if a guy is cheating? Hard to tell with some guys. Others may be more obvious, like improving on their physical appearance by wearing nice clothes and working out; frequent nights out with the “boys”; too many business lunches or out of town business trips; phone calls during odd hours; unexplained bank transactions and credit card charges, etc. Generally, if a partner’s behavior changes from his usual, that should be a red flag.
Many of you gave lists of warning signs, like
Tammie Tan who includes, among many other signs:
- Inconsistent with stories, details changes whenever you ask to tell again story of his/her trip
- Hides phones or deletes any messages right after s/he reads it
- Doesn’t want to go to certain places with you, afraid that he’d be recognized
- Goes out frequently with people whose name you’ve never heard before
- Either always irritable of your smallest flaws or too nice for comfort
- Always finds excuses to go out
Pee Hsee says it’s hard to profile who’s likely to cheat.
Pee Hsee says, Let’s face it, both men and women do it. It’s hard to tell until one comes home with sordid evidence left on their bodies after a sexual encounter. For emotional evidence, it’s hard to tell when the couple is actually having problems before cheating.
Anonymous says: Based on my experience, I don’t think we can profile a cheater. I know someone who’s an introvert, doesn’t have close friends and refuses to socialize. But lo and behold, he cheated with a common friend. I never expected that to happen since he is the quiet type. He not only cheated once but twice and lied a few times.
DR. HOLMES: Did you notice anything with the answers given? None of none of you blamed “the other woman” or the other man—let’s not be heterosexist here. That is actually a good sign, especially if you are the one wronged. Because, while it hurts much less and it is much easier to distance yourself by blaming the other, it is probably a better idea to explore what went wrong. This does NOT mean that the the person cheated on has to take all the blame –and sometimes, if he or she takes on even a portion of the blame, it’s still not accurate. Let’s face it, some guys are really a**holes, but it does mean examining your reality accurately and stepping up to the plate when necessary.