#AskMargie: May-December relationships

MANILA, Philippines – After an episode on musician Freddie Aguilar’s relationship with a 16-year-old, Dr. Margie Holmes continues the discussion on May-December love affairs.

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Coming off from last week’s topic on Freddie Aguilar’s relationship, this week we’ll explore the less explosive nature of May-Dec relationships.

I asked: What are the benefits and difficulties of having a huge age gap between lovers?

@gerrykalmo: They don’t know your music.

Jun Lo: It entails a lot of understanding, patience and respect for one another. An older partner seems to be more settled while younger partner still wants to explore life. This can be a challenge if not talked about in the first place. Having a younger partner makes the older partner start to dream again, be energized. The younger partner learns to take things slowly and redirect his energy to a more focused undertaking instead of dispensing all energies on non essentials.

Carlyn Santos says: Money! One is already set and of course, guidance.

Crisseh Enriquez Tubog: More decisive and mature. There is learning for both.

Minerva Reyes: I doubt if they will be able to grow together with the same emotional and psychological phase. It’s best to be in a relationship with more or less the same frequency of mindset and emotions.

AJ Villareal asks: How about if the man is younger than the woman? What problems could arise with that setup?

Mary Anne Dela Cruz asks: How do you make it work? How do you keep the difference an advantage?

Johnny Be Good asks: What exactly makes a May-December relationship bad? How much of an age gap is acceptable?

I got a lot of different answers:
Some say 5, some say 3, some 7.

Fonzi Avila Marquez says: Age, divided by two, plus seven. That’s the golden rule.

MOI: But is it really?…Actually, I tried it with all sorts of ages, making 14 the youngest and 70 the eldest, and jimmy golly goo, it seems like can be a good guideline after all!

In closing, I asked you this age-old question: Does age really matter?

Maria Lim-Ingles: Age does play a role, especially when it comes to communicating with your partner, and finding similar things that both of you can enjoy together. But as long as the love is there, there’s absolutely nothing that your relationship can’t hurdle.

She continues: My husband is 31 years my senior, and we do experience problems in our relationship – mostly those brought about by the three-decade gap, but we love each other, and that love has motivated us to rise above our differences and find that “middle ground” in order to make things work!

Buboy Canape: Age doesn’t matter as long you love each other. And hindi minor ang isa.

Lino Cruz: Good communication, respect, honesty, good harmony will bind you together.

Vicente Dela Vega: I think it depends on both parties. I’m experiencing problems finding what I need at my own age group, so I search lower.

Since we started this age-gap series last week focusing on Freddie Aguilar, perhaps I think we should give him the floor before we end it, don’t you? “wala pa akong nabasa sa dictionary na ang meaning ng love ay you have to look for the same age as you are. Walang nakalagay doon.”

– Rappler.com