#AskMargie: Forgiveness part 2

MANILA, Philippines – In this week’s episode of #AskMargie, Dr. Margie Holmes continues the discussion on forgiveness saying, “lingering pain is not a sign of not forgiving.” (WATCH: #AskMargie: Forgiveness part 1)

Watch:

Geruel Rivadeneira: What are the emotional indicators that we have already “forgiven” the person? Is lingering pain a sign of unforgiveness? Is it possible to forgive even if it hurts?

Susan Tagle partly answers Geruel’s question: One can only forgive when one is ready to let go of whatever pain, harm, or insult was done. No one can demand it of anyone, it must be willingly given.

Allow me to answer the rest: No, lingering pain is NOT a sign of not forgiving. Yes, it is possible to forgive even if it hurts. I daresay, if there were no pain caused, there would be no reason to forgive. Thanks so much, Geruel and Susan, forgoing straight to the heart of the matter.

Yomi Artemus asks: Why is forgiveness hard to do? And why can someone not just go and forget it?

Laarni Kim Butlay: Forgiveness is a hard decision to make because of pride, but sometimes this can also help people ease the burden they feel. People who forgive are not weak. It only proves how strong the person is to forgive those who hurt them.

Tanya Garcia: It’s the betrayal of people you love most that hurt most. How do you forgive someone who’s family, or who used to be a great friend or a lover? I had an ex partner who was unfaithful so often when we were still together, and I admit I really wished the worst for her. But now that I am older and hopefully wiser, I realized I needed to let go of that past, and it gave me peace. And it helped that I learned she got her comeuppance eventually. I always wonder if those people even think of how I must be feeling. It takes a lot of maturity and inner work to let go of past hurts.

Miradel Abellana: How do you forgive the mistress who tore your family apart?

To which I answer: How? With great difficulty. Why? One reason is because, after you “forgive” the mistress, you will need to look beyond her, into the real reason the affair happened. I don’t mean the usual, sexist claptrap “Hindi magloloko ang asawa kung walang pagkukulang ang misis.” That is just an example of scapegoating, of blaming the “victim.”

What I mean is, confronting the reality of your marriage and exploring what it was that made infidelity possible and if there is anything still worth fighting for—and many ties there can be– despite the devastation the affair brought.

– Rappler.com