#AskMargie: Forgiveness part 3

MANILA, Philippines – After 2 episodes on forgiveness, Dr. Margie Holmes concludes this three-part series with an episode about forgiving and forgetting.

Do the two really go hand in hand? Watch this week’s episode.

Actually this particular episode on forgiveness also came from many of you, who specifically requested an episode on not only forgiving, but forgetting as well 

So I asked: What do you think of the exhortation “forgive and forget”? Is it a good idea? Is it even realistic?

Maureen Jean Lara: People may forgive, but most of us do not forget. I see it as a matter of self-preservation. Once you forget the bad deed that was done, you run the risk of the person doing the same thing to you all over again.

Rica Espiritu: I do forgive and forget. It makes life easier most of the time. Except for people who truly abused you – I forgive, I learn and then stay away. I will eventually forget. Life is too short to gather all these angst. You gotta have more space in your heart to love, live and laugh.

Mei Magsino: I forgive but I don’t forget the lessons of the past and be wary of the person who harmed me. Not forgetting what they did to me, and constantly reminding myself that I should never again let myself be the victim makes my life easier.

Sonny Mendoza: I forgive but I also remember. To forgive and forget is tragic. Because we only learn from what we remember. If someone wronged you and asked for forgiveness, succumb, but remember that he is capable of doing his bad deed again, to you. 

In the inimitable words of Shakira Villa-Symes: Do forgive, do forget, move forward and don’t give a fuck anymore how they are.

Others added a spiritual dimension so they could forgive:

Carminnie Doromal: With clear conscience and deep tranquil peace. The betrayed can simply say, “God knows everything” and that solely is what counts. 

Mimilanie Laurel Marquez: I go for spiritual healing and understanding of my savior’s atoning sacrifice.

Alfie Mella: My reason is similar to the concept of thieves and other evil people who, after having committed the act, will turn to confession (if they are Christians) or do penance during Holy Week to apparently cleanse themselves off of the “guilt” or “sin” only to feel new again and ready to do the same acts. They use religion as their source of absolution.

Evangeline P Sangalang: I think we have varied definitions of forgiveness. In legal terms forgiven means no penalty or even no offense entered in society’s ledger–unless criminal in nature and kung i-take up ng district attorney.

If I forgive the offense, I may not invoke that to ask the offender to allocute – as in mea culpa, I did it, I am sorry, I will not do it again etc. When an offender keeps getting zero penalty just because the victim wants to move on – then forgiveness does not serve anyone’s growth. Kaya even in basketball, the referee blows the whistle and the foul player acknowledges the foul, raises his hands, accepts the penalty and betters his game by avoiding the same foul. Sa religion, any religion, the offender has an act of contrition. etc. Hindi pwede zero penalty in any culture.

Let me end today’s session with a quote from

Medy Santiago : As we get older, forgetting becomes easier! I wonder where I left my key. I wonder why I’m in front of this printer. I wonder why I don’t see so and so (the betrayer) again. Just a bit of comic relief. We shouldn’t waste our time with people who don’t want to be part of our lives. We deserve more.

Right you are, Medy, right you are.

Well, that’s it for today. But, please, jump in the discussion below if you’ve anything more to say abut the subject, whether in agreement or not.

– Rappler.com

WATCH PREVIOUS EPISODES:

Forgiveness part 1
Forgiveness part 2