#AskMargie: LGBT Valentine’s Day

MANILA, Philippines – We are still in the ‘love’ month and this week, clinical psychologist Dr. Margie Holmes continues the discussion on Valentine’s day, this time zoning in on the LGBT Community.

Watch:

Today we’re going to continue our series of Valentine’s-themed episodes, this time with a focus on LGBT couples.

So my first question about how LGBT couples spend or could spend Valentines and got these answers:

Tammie Tam Go: Celebrate it as you wish–in private or in public–your money is as good as the next couple’s.

Dr. Holmes: In fact, practically all said: “Same as any hetero couple,” which and of course, for LGBT couples out of the closet, why not?”

So I changed my question to: How would LGBTs couple who have yet to come celebrate Valentines, I got two sorts of answers:

Many gave some really good advice:

Angelina Sparks Kanapi: If they can’t come out yet, they can still go out…and make that no touch, no display of affection an enticing foreplay for when they’re finally some place all to themselves. Secrets make hot foreplay.

Dr. Holmes: God, Angelina, you must be a terrific sex partner, so imaginative!

Eric Manalastas says: Plan to meet in a relatively far away but romantic location? Be playful and imagine yourselves as spies who have to keep your true identities secret. The point is, you want to keep your relationship a secret — which can be burdensome and tiring. So why not reframe it and make it playful, possibly even glamorous and adventuresome?

Eric Manalastas: Or a more pragmatic option, is to double date with another same-sex couple, let’s say the opposite sex, so that Tom asks out Ellen and Dustin asks out Portia (or the women can ask the men out, whatever works). And then “swap” partners. So there’s safety and camouflage in numbers, but you’re helping another couple out.

Brenda Alegre adds: Many LGBTs feel the comfort of V-day activities when they are in a big number meaning when they immerse with friends. So a throng of gay men and women as one big group in a group date might enjoy that big company and guaranteed to have more laughs than a serene date for two. For those who are not out, they may look for online resources to meet likeminded souls and then date discreetly.

In addition, Brenda gives us options for transmen and transwomen:

Brenda Alegre:
Lesbians and Transgender Men and their partners: The butch lesbian may buy the girlfriend flowers and chocolates and book a room in a hotel or go to movies and concerts.

Transwomen: Those who look stereotypically cisgender may find it way easier because they can blend in as a cisgender heterosexual couple. People may not suspect anything else and might find that more acceptable so these transwomen may feel more comfortable in their public dates.

Another sort of answer focused on using Valentines as an incentive to come out:

Jay Calabig: Closets are for clothes and fabulous shoes. Come out people and be proud.

@regiegalvez: Best advice is for them to COME OUT now. Enjoy your rights and freedom as couples. Love is love.

Bert Quibuyen: Make Valentine’s Day as the day to come out of the closet, and then celebrate it in whatever romantic way.

Dr. Holmes: Thank you all, for all your advice and comments. Ideally, an LGBT person shouldn’t need to celebrate Valentines differently from a heteraosexual, but alas, the world hasn’t reached that stage yet. In the meantime, all we can do is give everyone the space to live and let live, love and let love, lust and let lust.

– Rappler.com

---

WATCH PREVIOUS EPISODES ON VALENTINE’S DAY

• Valentine’s Day Q&A
• Spending Valentine’s alone