MANILA, Philippines This week’s episode explores whether courtship among Filipinos is still alive.
It seems that many among the younger generation skip the wooing stage, resulting in the birth of what they call the MOMOL phenomenon – make out make out lang.
I wanted to know what the rappler community felt about this, so I asked if you insisted on courtship before you said yes to a suitor; or, indeed, if you insisted on courting someone to win his or her love.
We got some pretty interesting answers regarding not only the wooing process, but also gender roles.
Shawn Monique Tantengco says: I insist. I'm worth it. Courtship is not a quest, a joke or a contest that one should attain for the kill. It should represent sincerity with good and honorable intentions.
Paul Montinola: I require "BF candidates" na ligawan ako with matching flowers. So far successful naman yung BF ko sa panliligaw niya saken. I'm so old school.
Ren Yna Lavetoria says: Importante pa rin. It is the getting to know each other part. Kailangan sabihin talaga sa akin na nililigawan ako. I don’t assume, kasi baka friendly or flirty lang yung tao. Para hindi confusing.
MOI: Korek ka dyan, Ren, because sometimes,…that’s how psychopaths get away with things: They never say things directly, merely hint at things, thus they can never be accused of lying…but they purposely give unclear messages, mixed messages, knowing what message their “victim” will hang on to, pero ligtas pa rin sila of any accusation of taking advantage.
Ren continues: But I’d also rather that the suitor is true to me. Ayoko ng best foot forward. Para walang masyadong unreal expectations, at para alam na kung ano ang magiging takbo ng relasyon.
MOI There’s a saying that Pinoys are great suitors, but terrible husbands. Magaling manligaw, pero pagasawa na, wala na. (Hindi ka na sinusuyo,)
I don’t know if Ren’s sentiment above and Maureen Jean Lara’s and anonymous’s statement below are informed by the magaling manligaw belief:
It’s a sentiment raised by Maureen, who says:
Maureen Jean Lara: I’m not really all for panliligaw. The guy is putting his best foot forward - this being the case, you don't really get to know the person. A few dates, yes... But only to know if we connect intellectually. Courtship for me shows how interested he is, but getting to know a person is a lifetime effort.
Anonymous isn’t too crazy about the idea of courtship either..
Anonymous says: I never liked the idea. It's like selling myself. I've always said that if I like somebody, I don't need to be wooed. Once, I told a boy that I liked him and it was liberating. Ligaw puts the women in a passive role. Sure, the men have to pass her criteria but then she has to wait for the man to make ligaw. Dating to get to know each other is fine, but dating, as in taking the woman out has power inequality. Some may think that the woman has control but I think the man controls the situation.
Some of you said the courtship tradition is still alive BUT women are more empowered now to make the first move.
Shiloh Kuku says: These days, gender roles are not rigid. Anyone is allowed to initiate, and interchangeable ang roles ng pursuer and pursue in the chacha of love, even more so with non-hetero relationships.
Medy Santiago: I think now, girls do initiate courtship unlike before when they just wait and some end up as wall flowers.
So how has courtship changed from then to now? Many of you said it’s become much quicker in the digital age.
Desiree Sison: Ligawan has become digital and convenient for the guys who make ligaw through social media.
Bert Quibuyen: Call it a quickie courtship in some cases. The days of long courtships are over.
Bert continues: Bert Quibuyen: Ang quickie courtship uso na ngayon because time is gold, people know what they want, they are more liberal in their thinking, and they're practical. When I say quickie courtship, I'm referring to the timeline from when it started to when a couple officially become an item. Yung period na yun ang sinasabi kong maikli na kumpara nung araw.
Loreta Galima says: Di ko alam kung may ligawan pang nagaganap. Pa-cute siguro? Anyway, it was more fun back then kahit corny!
WRAP How do you tell if a guy is sincere? How can you tell if he deserves your matamis na “oo”?
NOT foolproof, but ask yourself:
1. What is his most valuable commodity?
2. What is his baseline?
The more your suitor showers you with this, the more he loves you: Is it time? Money? Kung “ma-pride” ang tao, is it prestige? TRUST
Lots of people measure in terms of money, but this isn’t a big deal to someone who has lots of it. So? He gives you a dozen roses, big deal, he can afford a dozen more.
Means a lot only if the commodity he shares with you is scarce and you are sure he shares only— TEXTS (send to many) and the problem with social media is that many times, you can’t be sure.
Trust—you know his password for his email, FB account, cell phone.
2. BASELINE: Minimum or starting point used for comparisons. Are you the first person he’s done this with? Kahit na the second or third, how long ago was this? Trust –when in the past, nobody knew a thing. For a person like this, merely leaving his cell in your presence is a first step. Take it for the gift that it is,…and then see if the other stuff is worth waiting for. (in other words, don’t be content with that,..see if further steps are taken and if not, chugi!!)
That’s it for today.