I woke up around 9 in the morning, and as usual, I opened my phone to check the time. I saw a couple of notifications and two messages from my mom. Immediately, I checked the messages my mom sent me – I don’t think I need to tell you why. You always need to check messages from your parents, because chances are, they need help with something, there is an emergency, or they simply miss you. Regardless of which it is among the 3, they expect you to reply as soon as you get the message.  

Unfortunately for me, mom’s message was to inform me that my last living grandparent had died that morning.  

I didn’t know how to react. I was still extremely sleepy after accomplishing academic requirements, which took me until the wee hours of the morning because I had no stable internet for several days. I was exhausted, and upon reading the message, I curled up in bed, wondering why all these problems were happening to me right now.  

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to be insensitive towards my grandmother’s death, but all I could think about was the fact that it was my finals week and I had a lot of requirements to submit. I even had two exams to take within the week. I couldn’t afford to break down or even mourn for a day.  

It was my Lola Eding who died. I know most people my age would have already lost their grandparents, or even their parents, so it isn’t new to deal with the death of a loved one. But it was my Lola Eding. She was the person who was with me during my early childhood years, when both my parents were working to provide me a good life. She was already in her 60s when she was taking care of me, an up-to-no-good kid, but I can say that she did a good job. She was the one who taught me how to read; she bought me an abakada book from the nearby palengke, and she would teach me how to  read in the mornings and after getting home from preschool. I even remember my mom laughing when she realized that I already knew how to read, but pointed out that I would have a hard time in school because reading abakada was different from reading ABC.  

Still, I was thankful for having Lola Eding with me during those years. I can’t say the same for her, though. There were times when I had locked her inside a room just because I didn’t want to obey her or I didn’t want to drink my medicine. There were days when I would make her worry because I was playing in the streets until it got dark. There were days when I stole coins from her duster’s pocket while she slept so I could buy dirty ice cream from Manong Jess.  

What I am sure of is that she loved me unconditionally, even if I only got to visit her later during the holidays or long weekend breaks, because I was in Tarlac and she was in Quezon. Despite this, she always looked forward to our visits. 

I regret not spending more time with her during my teenage years, as I was busy spending time with my cousins who were my age and who were more “interesting” to be with – a thought I regret having. You see, we apos tend to not appreciate the time our grandparents have left. We tend to find spending time with them a bore, sometimes even irritating, because we would rather do other things with our friends, with our phones, or with random people. We’d heard their stories since we were little, and we would get tired of hearing them again and again.

As I grew older, however, I learned to cherish my time with her. I knew she was close to leaving us, as she was already close to reaching 100 years. I would sit with her, tell her about my life, and she would proceed to give me advice, such as don’t give my parents a hard time, prioritize my studies, and many more. Despite already knowing these, I always appreciated her advice.  

Even after reaching 20, I would always leave Quezon with a little pocket money from her. She would always tell me that it was our little secret, and that I should use the money to buy things I want. She never forgets to do so, even if she only had a hundred to give.  

As I write this, I am already processing my travel documents to go to Quezon. See, I couldn’t go to her sooner, because I needed to adhere to health protocols under the pandemic. I am in Baguio, and I would need to wait for my father to fetch me just so I could travel to Quezon to see my Lola Eding for one last time.  

Last November 19, my birthday, my mom sent me a video recording of her greeting me and telling me that she loves me. It was the second to the last time I got to talk to her before she passed. I regret not being able to talk to her last week or even this week, as I was busy with my academic requirements and I didn’t have a stable internet connection.  

I wish I’d gotten to her sooner. I wish I had set aside everything I was doing to spend the little time I had left with her. I wish I had. Maybe I could have. 

With everything happening, I just wish we all could try better. I know that we all have our own things to do, challenges we need to face, and roles we need to take on. However, at the end of the day, when all else fails, I don’t think all of that would matter. What will matter is spending the time you have in this world with people who matter, and on experiences that matter.  

With the way this year is going, maybe the world might come to an end. Who knows? Do you think everything you’re doing now will matter by then? – Rappler.com

Zoe Ramores is a graduating student taking up BA Communication, Major in Journalism, at the University of the Philippines Baguio.