Mistresses, math and men: Miriam’s latest pick-up lines

Natashya Gutierrez
Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago regales her audience by sharing her latest jokes and pick-up lines

MIRIAM THE JOKER. When Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago is not busy 'educating the non-educatable,' she is making people laugh with her jokes and pick-up lines. June 28, 2012. Natashya Gutierrez.

MANILA, Philippines – Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago strikes again.

In a speech presented to the Credit Management Association of the Philippines, Santiago talked about the constitutionality of the Philippines’ $1B loan to the IMF — but not before first sending the attendees into fits of laughter through her latest jokes.

The senator shared her wisdom and regaled her audience with some hilarious life advice and pick-up lines that Rappler has compiled for you. 

Watch her deliver her jokes below:

 

One time I met a politician and I said as a joke…

Me: Balita ko, meron ka raw kulasisi na 18 years old.
Politican: Lumang balita na yan. 28 years old na siya ngayon.

Pick up line for bankers

Can you recommend a good bank? Kasi I’m planning to save all my love for you.

Mathematics

Matalinong babae + Matalinong lalaki = Romance
Matalinong lalaki + Bobong babae = Affair
Matalinong babae + Bobong lalaki = Kasal
Bobong lalaki + Bobong babae = Sexually Transmitted Disease

Gusto mo bang trabaho?

Meron sa PLDT, 10,000 pesos per day. Ikaw yung dialtone.
Meron sa DPWH, 10, 000 pesos per day. Ikaw yung speedbump.
Meron sa post office, 10,000 pesos per day. Didilaan mo lahat ng stamps.

Confident vs Confidential

A young boy asked his Dad, what is the difference between confident and confidential?
The father said, you’re my son. Confident ako doon. Yung best friend mo sa school, anak ko rin yun. Yun ang confidential.

Five tips for a happy man’s life

1) Have a girl to help you at work
2) Have a girl to take care of you and to love you
3) Have a girl who can make you laugh
4) Have a girl who spoils you
5) Siguraduhin na hindi magkakilala and apat na babae na yun

Pick-up lines

Kapag mamamatay na ako, huwag na huwag kang pupunta sa libingan ko kasi baka tumibok ulit ang puso ko.

Miss, cuchara ka ba? Kasi palapit ka palang, napapapanganga na ako.

Suicide, homicide, insecticide, lahat pamatay. Pero kung gusto mong pampabuhay, i-try mo ang ‘by my side.’

Malabo na talaga ang mata ko. Pwede ba akong humingi sa iyo ng kahit konting pagtingin?

Did her jokes work on you? What was your favorite? Let us know what you think on the comments section. Feel free to leave your own jokes too — we would love to hear from you! – Rappler.com 

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