How does your brain see a stranger vs a loved one?

What does it really mean in our brains when we say we are “close” to someone? Throughout our close relationships, we accumulate emotionally extravagant exchanges between us and fleshed out in letters, gifts, laughter, tears and for us Pinoys, a lot of time breaking bread together. Thus we just know, without being neuroscientists, that with people to whom we are close, we feel an affinity for them that is not present when we deal with strangers. But now that scientists can peer into our brains when we are considering the people we are close to, what does “closeness” look like? What neural constellations inside your head, in terms of spark and intensity, are involved when we think about them?

Apparently, the same one when you think about yourself. At least, when you are threatened. In a study published in August 2013, scientists found that when a mild electric shock is perceived to have been given someone close to a participant, the brain scan of the participant, closely ties in with what the participant’s brain looks lie when perceiving the shock as directed to herself.  This was not so when the threat was given to a stranger. It seems that your closeness to someone literally mutes the contours of how your brain defines “you” and “him/her”.  That is empathy in its finest hour, at least in terms of how our brain does its dance of light.

No actual shocks were given to the participants. The participants were given ankle bracelets that are supposed to deliver mild electric shocks. Then they were made to view a screen that held varying cues, including one of threat. Each participant did this in different scenarios: by herself, while holding hands with someone she herself identified as close to her and then while holding hands with a stranger.

Other empathy studies have shown that there are general areas of the brain activated when we consider others, regardless of whether they are close to us or not. We are generally wired, in terms of brain parts, to be able to consider what is going on with others, other than oneself. But this study looked at it another way – they focused on the signal changes of certain brain parts – the anterior insula, putamen and supramarginal gyrus – that get activated – that are active under threat. And yes, the brain scan of a participant under threat closely ties in with the brain scan of participant who is thinking of the threat to her loved one. This is not the case when she was thinking of the threat being posed to the stranger.

Driving for me is the arena of “me against the world” and that “world” is largely inhabited by complete strangers. I found that while driving, if I took on a “normal” attitude of judging people by the way they drive (swerving and abruptly cutting others off) or by the way they cross the street (jaywalking or not waiting for the right light) or by their insistence on the use of supposedly high-speed national roads for “candle-powered” mobiles, my empathy centers, I suspect, would have looked like they were duct-taped. But for years now, I have found a way to trick myself. I imagine that they are my brother, father, sister, nephew or anyone that I am distinctly close to. And I found that in milliseconds, my irritation, to put it mildly, vanishes and I give way.  That of course, is not all the time but I remember to do it often enough to save myself. Thinking about saving your loved ones becomes part of our survivability.

Knowing this study now makes me think of how we empathize with others who need our help but are complete strangers. During Yolanda (Haiyan) disaster, I have observed that when we serve as the link by relating to our own family and friends cries for help from people we know but they (our loved ones) don’t, they (our loved ones) could more easily empathize and be moved to help. Maybe there is also neural trail that serve as a bridge in this way – one that facilitates the gestures that are dispensed at the speed of trust, so that we can empathize with strangers who need our help with the same intensity? We know we are capable of this, we just have to understand the mechanisms in our heads for it.

It is no secret that who we are is largely defined by to whom we closely associate with. That is why there is basis for why people judge you by the friends and family you have. The assumption is, you identify with these people. You love them. And It seems that with those that we love, “you and I” is just one word, one activated neural constellation in the one who loves. – Rappler.com

Maria Isabel Garcia is a science writer. She has written two books, “Science Solitaire” and “Twenty One Grams of Spirit and Seven Ounces of Desire.”  Her column appears every Friday and you can reach her at sciencesolitaire@gmail.com

(Neurons digital illustration via Shutterstock)