RAW Deal: Welcome to the new age, to the new age

INDIANAPOLIS—At the top of this Monday’s RAW, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon promised us that we’d be begging them to come back.

Truth is, I personally never wanted them to leave. The best role an on-screen authority figure can hold is that of being an unfair bully to an employee. This is the kind of antagonist that birthed icons like Stone Cold Steve Austin, John Cena (ten years ago), Daniel Bryan, and as of last Sunday, Dolph Ziggler. The opposite—authority that exists just to facilitate, like Teddy Long—is “just there” at best, and painfully boring at worst.

But all villains must be vanquished in the end, one way or another. So here we are.

They said we’d be begging them to come back, but I never thought that they’d sabotage RAW to make that happen. Of course, this is me just waxing speculative, but this Monday’s RAW was shockingly dreadful. This is how we build on one of the most memorable PPV main events of the year (just when you thought Wrestlemania XXX was untouchable)? 

The sudden debut of (SPOILER ALERT, but what are you doing reading this review if you don’t know what went down) Sting at Survivor Series was a real gimme to build on. Instead, what we got on Monday night was all the aftermath without the follow-through. Sting needs to immediately explain why he showed up to ruin the Authority’s fun, and the story is toothless without it. And I do mean immediately: there’s only a small window to keep that momentum going especially because the story’s focus is quickly moving toward who’s replacing Hunter and Steph. I really didn’t want to have to wait until next Monday to hear the Crow speak, and I really hope he’ll be back soon.

The short-term solution was to have the hugely-missed Daniel Bryan return and fill in the role this week, and while I always love to see Wrestling Jesus, his turn quickly underscored the problem with “facilitator” GMs. The level of tension just wasn’t the same, and compounded with the fact that he isn’t even coming back next week to continue whatever he started, this story’s already sliding off faster than it could build.

And yeah, Bryan’s not going to be the GM next week, because guess who’s back, back again: the Anonymous GM has returned after four years in the scrap heap, the laptop managing to magically repair itself after its last sighting.

That means more annoying Michael Cole interruptions. Hopefully it’s a one-night-only thing like Bryan was, but if the New Era (not related to the “New Day” stable of Xavier Woods, Big E, and Kofi Kingston) means we’re getting a revolving door of managers, then let me be the first to sign the “We Want the Authority Back” petition. Hell, I’ll even mail it for you after we get enough signatures.

High spots:

• I’m very glad to see that Daniel Bryan still has his amazing sway over the WWE Universe. That means there is no reason for him to not get anything less than his old spot when (not if) he returns to active competition. 

• I’m still not sure what they could do with Luke Harper as Intercontinental Champion, but we need a lengthy Dean Ambrose/Luke Harper feud somewhere down the line. 

• Gold & Stardust interrupting this week’s guest host Larry the Cable Guy was HILARIOUS. Larry hasn’t been relevant since 2005.
• Okay, there really aren’t a lot of good things to say about this episode of RAW, but we must give props to Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury finally being able to work a match. The in-ring debut of J&J Security had been months in the making, people!
• He didn’t get a rematch for the Intercontinental Championship, but the fact that Dolph Ziggler is now involved in main event non-championship storylines speaks volumes of his new spot on the totem pole. He really is Daniel Bryan while Bryan is out, and all he needs to do now is hang on to that spot and continue proving he belongs. You’re the #2 face on the show now, Dolph, maybe even #1—don’t let Reigns take that away from you.
• A NEW NEW DAY TRAILER WITH EVERYONE NOW! (No official video uploaded yet.)

Low blows:

• Too much talking, and too many squashes. They already found the formula for good RAWs before Survivor Series; there’s no reason for them to lose sight of that.
• Lord, it looks like they’re rebooting the Rusev/Jack Swagger feud. THIS IS A BAD IDEA. The grand jury just refused to indict Darren Wilson, and the last thing the WWE needs is an old white guy spewing xenophobia against a foreigner. Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with Rusev vs. Swagger; in fact, they work well together, but if they really want to do this feud again, they need to do away with Zeb. It only worked well the first time when the racist old man was taken out and Swagger started actually acting.
• It’s entirely possible for me to explain away the Brie Bella heel turn on Sunday, but they needed to have her tell us why she did it. It doesn’t matter at this point if she’s a terrible actress; the storyline development needs to be explained because trying to come up with the logic for the move should not be left to the viewer.
• Speaking of explanations, Big Show managed to sufficiently explain his side, but it would’ve been a whole lot better to say that he turned because Cena was a terrible team captain. Regardless, it did make sense of the turn coming in the middle of the match, after he knocked Mark Henry out to open it.
• Larry the Cable Guy. No. Just no. We are not gitting ‘r done. We are not gitting anything done.
• Everything else just seemed uninspired and haphazardly put together. Sting showed up, where is the urgency?

Did you miss last week’s RAW? Do you listen to podcasts? Would you want to listen to a local podcast about pro wrestling? If the answers to most of those questions—especially that last one—are yes, then you should check out the cleverly-named Smark Gilas-Pilipinas Podcast—featuring Mellow 94.7 DJ Stan Sy, wrestling writer Romeo Moran, and producer/band manager Raf Camus! On their latest episode, the boys talk to Sa Ngalan Ni Ultimate Warrior and Blue Bustamante director Miko Livelo about his wrestling-related short film. Give it a listen here! – Rappler.com