‘Meron ka ba?’ and other ways women are invalidated

Show me an assertive woman and I can guarantee she has been called names. She has been called a bitch, a slut, or tigang (sexless) behind her back.

Any woman in a position of authority has definitely been accused of “trying to be a man,” even to her face. If she’s married, her husband will have been called “under the saya (whipped).” Someone would have said, “Kawawanamanang mister n’yan (Poor husband of hers),” as if being a leader automatically makes one a bad wife.

Is it so unnatural for a woman to lead? Women have led countries and corporations for centuries but we still cannot accept that they make valid points. When a woman is upset, a man is still quick to say, “Nireregla lang ‘yan (She is just having her period),” ignoring what it was she was upset about.

“Meron ka ba?“

“Ang sungit mo! Meron ka ba? (You’re grumpy! Are you on the rag?)” we say as a reflex when a woman is less than cheerful, as if there is absolutely no valid reason a woman can feel displeased about a situation. If a woman is unhappy, why is it assumed that she must have blood coming out of her body? Is that the only reason she’s allowed to be upset? Does she not have her own judgment and set of principles that she can be unhappy with a situation? Is she not allowed to voice out her concerns?

Reducing women to their menstrual cycles excuses us from listening to their points and relieves us from coming up with solutions. By saying that an assertive woman must be on her period, we invalidate her concerns and declare that she is simply “being a girl,” and therefore does not deserve to be heard.

A period is nothing more than a woman’s body renewing itself. There is nothing mystical about it that turns women into monsters or makes them unreasonable or illogical. True, some women become more emotional before their periods, but it’s not enough to totally discount all their points as invalid because of it. 

Look at it this way. A man is never told that his testosterone must be making him opinionated. But saying a woman has her period when she is making a valid or forceful point is met with giggles. Why?

A man is allowed to be angry, a woman is not

No matter how forceful or assertive a man is, he is simply making a point. A man who is angry or upset is never told that it must be because of his almuranas (hemorrhoids) or because he has a rash on his scrotum. Do these things sound odd and inappropriate? That’s how inappropriate it is to discuss a woman’s body and menstrual cycles when she is talking about an unrelated matter.

There’s no correlation between menstruation and a woman’s opinions. But the men (and sometimes even women themselves) laugh, and chances are nobody will remember what the woman said other than she was being grumpy and unreasonable. “Tigang lang iyan, kailangang diligan (She is drying up, she needs to get laid),” they will even go as far as saying, as if women need a miraculous dose of semen to be sane.

How would men feel if every time they felt strongly about something, they were told it’s because they can’t get erections? How about if we tell an angry man his opinions are due to not getting any sex? Or that they’re just upset because they’ve started to pee in their pants?

Nobody says those things to men though, because we listen to them. “Uyy, galit si boss,”  we say. “Ano bang kinagagalit niya?” (The boss is angry, what is he angry about?). Everyone then attempts to accommodate his requests to keep him happy.

How about the woman?

When it comes to the woman, it’s often, “Huwag mong pansinin iyan, may regla lang iyan (Don’t mind her, she is on her period).” End of story. Points not heard or considered. The underlying message when we say something like this is that everyone should treat what a woman says as just a whim, and to just let her moods pass without considering anything she brought up.

The next time you’re tempted to disregard a woman’s points, imagine the same words coming from a man. Imagine yourself not being able to disregard them for their monthly cycles or sexual activities, and you might just listen to what they actually have to say, and maybe even learn that women do make very valid points.

Have you been in a position where you felt invalidated as a woman? What were you told? – Rappler.com