Editor’s Note: Rappler’s Life & Style section will be publishing an advice (you can also call it an intervention) column penned by @LolaSaturnina of Twitter snark fame. So if you’re in the mood to snap out of your tanga, need re-affirmation, or just happen to like writing letters, do drop us a line at email@example.com with the email header [DEAR LOLA SATURNINA].
Dear Lola Saturnina,
Nahihirapan ako mag-move on from my ex kasi iniwan niya ko para sa iba. Before my ex and I got together, he was already interested in this other girl who didn’t really reject him but she wasn’t giving him any signs that magiging more than friends daw sila, so he ghosted her then started dating me.
He ended the relationship kasi yung love na na-stockpile niya para kay other girl, binigay niya sakin and na-realize niya na mali yun, so as a means to do what is right, he ended it. Thing is, he’s still going to pursue the same girl and I can’t take the pain anymore.
Tanggap ko naman na ‘di kami magkakatuluyan and tanggap ko din na this was for the best kasi while we were together he made me feel so distressed and emotional and I made him feel very anxious with my actions. But that doesn’t take away the fact na naramdaman ko na “mahal” niya ako and pinasaya niya ako ng sobra.
Ang hirap kasi every time nakikita ko siya kumukulo yung dugo ko and nagiging irritable kahit wala naman siyang ginagawang masama. I hate that hanggang ngayon siya parin yung pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin kahit di naman kailangan and di naman dapat.
I’m thinking of dating someone else as well to help me cope pero I don’t want to hurt anyone and make the same mistakes he did.
Honestly, I would just like to get on with my life and keep moving forward but the load is something that is difficult to let go kasi hindi ko alam bakit. Gusto kong bitawan pero di ko magawa.
Ang malungkot na katotohanan ay there’s no shortcut for healing from heartbreak. In your head, alam mo na hindi na kailangan at hindi naman dapat, but sadly, you can’t reason with your feelings.
Kaya nga sila FEELINGS. They don’t always make sense and that’s okay.
Feelings don’t go away just because you want them to. Sana! Pero hindi eh. So give yourself time and allow yourself to experience whatever feelings you have without judging or feeling frustrated with yourself. It’s okay to be sad – kahit hindi siya yung para sa iyo and alam mong in the end it’s for the best, kahit papaano pinasaya ka rin naman niya. It’s okay to be angry pag naalala mo ang nakalipas, kasi masakit palang maging (what) panakip butas.
Remember that emotions don’t make you weak and they don’t make you strong, they only make you human.
Naiirita ka pag nakikita mo siya? Hinga ka lang. Okay lang. Basta wag mo siya batuhin ng cellphone. You can’t control your feelings, but you can control your actions. Nasa sa iyo na kung gusto mong mag-date ng iba habang heartbroken ka. Date lang naman, wala namang masama, but don’t let that distract you from giving yourself time to process and heal. Alagaan mo ang sarili mo. Do things that make you feel good – exercise, spa day, spend time with your friends, mag-karaoke ka ng Toni Braxton, etc. Nasaktan ka, so deserve mo na pasayahin naman ang sarili mo.
Sometimes it feels like life takes from you, but it’s really giving in disguise. Ang bawat pagkakabigo ay pagkakataong matuto. Ikaw lang ang makakapagsabi kung ano yung lessons mo from this relationship, pero dapat meron.
You will come out of this stronger and smarter, but there will be some emotional heavy lifting involved.
In bullet points, para i-post it mo sa cubicle mo:
- Acknowledge and don’t judge your emotions
- Emotions can’t be controlled, but you can choose your actions and behavior
- Every crisis is an opportunity to learn and grow
- Take care of yourself!
Ang pag-let go ay hindi nangyayari nang parang isang bagsak. Tingi-tingi siya. Unti unting gagaan ang dinadala mo hanggang isang araw, mapapansin mo na lang na parang wala na pala.
Balang araw, pag ma-meet mo yung The One mo, magpapasalamat ka pa sa kumag mo na ex, kasi buti na lang hindi kayo nagkatuluyan! Pero until then, kapit lang bes.