Rappler’s Life and Style section runs an advice column by couple Jeremy Baer and clinical psychologist Dr. Margarita Holmes.

Jeremy has a master’s degree in law from Oxford University. A banker of 37 years who worked in three continents, he has been training with Dr. Holmes for the last 10 years as co-lecturer and, occasionally, as co-therapist, especially with clients whose financial concerns intrude into their daily lives.

Together, they have written two books: Love Triangles: Understanding the Macho-Mistress Mentality and Imported Love: Filipino-Foreign Liaisons.

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Dear Dr. Holmes and Mr. Baer,

I have a problem – I used to have a hard dick every morning, but now I don’t. I used to masturbate a lot before I turned 18. I’m now 20, and my cock isn’t hard in the morning like it used to be.

Also, I think I have a short dick. Can I satisfy my wife?

Ed

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Dear Ed,

Thank you for your message.

Perhaps the question is: why do you think a morning erection is an issue? After all, some erections are less significant than others. Having an erection during sex for example is important though not essential; having one when you wake up is not usually necessary, provided you still have erections when aroused.

If you have issues getting erections in general however then you would be wise to see a urologist to check whether you have a physical problem or hormonal issues. If you get the all clear but the problem persists, then see a mental health professional and investigate whether the issue is psychological.

As for penis size, remember that size is relative. Not only the penis but also the vagina vary in size so the question is not whether the penis is too big or small but whether the penis and the vagina are a good fit, something that can only be established by trial and error. In addition, remember also that most women find that the best stimulation of the vagina is within the first three inches so most penises will be “fit for purpose” anyway.

For further information on the specific ways women have discovered to make vaginal penetration more pleasurable, see this study.

All the best,
JAF Baer

Dear Ed:

Thank you very much for your letter. Because Mr. Baer has more than adequately answered your question on penis size, allow me to focus on the nuances of your non-erections when you wake up.  “Morning wood” is the slang term for these erections, usually the result of nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT).

You mention that your penis used to be hard every morning but now “I don’t get this.” If morning wood doesn’t happen as often as it used to, say, it now happens four days a week instead of the usual five on most days, then that is nothing to worry about. However, if your morning wood is always now just once or twice a week, then definitely you should see a doctor.

A morning erection is a useful indicator that your vascular and nervous systems are functioning properly. On the other hand, the absence of a morning erection can, in some cases, be an indicator of ED issues. 

Most men get an erection anywhere from one to five times during sleep, thus it is reasonable to wake up with an erection; that is, at the moment of NPT. In that sense, it is just as reasonable to wake up withOUT an erection, as long as it doesn’t happen that often.  

BUT if you frequently wake up without an erection, it’s best to see a urologist because there could be underlying physiological and/or psychological problems involved. 

The most common physiological causes of infrequent or no morning erections are hormonal; e.g., low testosterone. But other (silent) health conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol could also be other reasons. 

Another reason I urge you to see a urologist is that you are only 20, an age where morning erections happen far more often than, for example, men in their fifties or sixties.  

Finally, the best reason of all for seeing a medical doctor is that not only will it set your mind at ease, but you can also start or stop doing whatever it is to make sure you get more morning wood going 😊.  

All the best,
MG Holmes

– Rappler.com

Please send any comments, questions, or requests for advice to twopronged@rappler.com.