Love and Relationships

‘It’s not me, it’s you’: Friendship deal-breakers according to Filipino netizens

Juno Reyes
‘It’s not me, it’s you’: Friendship deal-breakers according to Filipino netizens
You’d be surprised to find that what some people deem fine in a friendship is a big no-no to others and vice versa, like differences in political preferences and personal values

They say that losing a friend hurts much more than losing a significant other. 

But sometimes, parting ways with a friend is necessary. No matter how painful, if both parties no longer nurture each other’s growth and have irreconcilable differences, it’s probably time to say goodbye. 

However, people’s common reasons for calling it quits with a friend vary to some degree. You’d be surprised to find that what some people deem fine in a friendship are a big no-no to others and vice versa. 

We asked readers what their biggest friendship non-negotiables are – the ones that would really count as the last straw. Sure enough, they delivered. 

Political differences

Readers were quick to name a difference in political preferences as a deal-breaker because of how crucial the 2022 presidential elections and its outcomes continue to be. With the number of friendship breakups that unfolded during elections season this year, it’s no surprise that this non-negotiable comes at the top of the list. 

However, this condition has also been the subject of heated debates in recent times, with the saying “Don’t let politics ruin relationships” making rounds on social media. Another reader even shared, “May kilala ako, super babaw, friendship over just because of political views (I know someone who ended a friendship just because of political views. How shallow).” 

Contrasting personal values

A handful of readers expressed their difficulty in fostering a platonic connection with someone they can’t see eye-to-eye with. They’ll either tolerate matters you can’t stand or get irked by things you don’t see a problem with. 

According to one reader, maintaining a friendship with someone you have conflicting interests with is useless. 

‘Wag makipag-kaibigan sa ‘di kayo same [values] kasi useless lang (Don’t make friends with someone you don’t have the same values with because it’s just useless),” the comment reads.

For instance, you’re supposed to be having lunch with a friend at 11:30 am. Being the punctual person that you are, you arrive on time but you’re still the only one there. An hour later, you receive a text that they’ll be there in 30 minutes. 

Normally, you would have brushed it off if their tardiness were a rare occurrence, but they’ve been late to each one of the lunch dates you often had to fully rearrange your packed schedule for. You’ve even confronted them about it before but to no avail. 

So you do what you think is best – end the friendship since it’s clear that they don’t respect your time anyway. It may seem petty to some, but in the end, it gave you your much-needed peace of mind.

Backstabbing and betrayal

Meanwhile, other readers believe that being talked about negatively behind their backs warrants a friendship breakup. This is the kind of friend we call toxic – someone who’s nice to you upfront but badmouths you the moment you’re out of sight, and manipulates you to get what they want. 

Among a toxic friend’s most common tactics is emotional blackmailing, where they would threaten and guilt you into doing something. If a friend has told you something along the lines of “Our friendship is over if you don’t do this for me” and you had no choice but to oblige, chances are, they were emotionally blackmailing you. 

Additionally, our friends are often the first to hear about our secrets, so finding out that they’ve spilled yours to someone else without your consent feels like a major betrayal of trust.

They’re only present when they want something from you

Through thick and thin…sometimes? It’s not entirely rare to encounter a friend who seems to only be by your side whenever they want something from you. One reader even pointed out that these kinds of people are what we know as user-friendly – “they just take and receive.”  

But of course, it’s also important to show up for your friends when they need your support. Be there to celebrate their wins, and be there to lend a helping hand when things are less than ideal for them.  

They don’t pay you back after lending them money

Borrowing money remains a touchy subject in friendships. While some people are kind enough to willingly lend their friends money, following up for reimbursements can often get awkward. On some occasions, as these readers mentioned, you don’t even get paid back at all. 

If you didn’t see your friendship non-negotiables on the list, tell us – what has made you end a friendship before? –

Juno Reyes is a Rappler intern. 

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