Senator Imee Marcos’ touching defense of Pastor Apollo Quiboloy brought me to tears. “Let’s not oppress him,” she pleaded to her fellow senators, hitting me right here in the coronary.

People, beware of the Pharisees in the US Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), our Senate, the Department of Justice, even the House. They’re mercilessly flogging the Appointed Son of God with charges of dollar smuggling and laundering, violating US immigration laws, trafficking and sexually abusing women and children, financially scamming his Kingdom of Jesus followers, so on and so forth. 

They don’t understand that the Appointed Son’s believers have given themselves wholly – their earnings, unpaid labor, everything including their bodies, not to mention nightly foot massages – to him who sayeth, “Love gives, love is generous, God has started His perfect plan already from the beginning. But if you do not have love, it profiteth you nothing.”

Worried for the Owner of the Universe, I once again sought the best legal mind in town, Attorney Manny Obra, at the dimly lighted Obra, Cadabra Law Office (“We Make the Charges Disappear)” on Nueva Street near Escolta. A former paralegal for Perry Mason and L.A. Law in the U.S., he’s the best-kept secret in Philippine jurisprudence. His rates are economical, too. 

Attorney, I asked, how can we shield the Appointed Son of God from the Fruits of the Serpent Seed, especially Senator Risa Hontiveros’ Committee on Women and Children? She wants to legislate protections against sexual abuse and financial exploitation in secretive religious groups like Pastor Quiboloy’s Kingdom of Jesus Christ.

“The Appointed Son is in a very, very tight spot, really tight!” Attorney Manny blurted, waving away flies from his lunch of pan de sal and sardines. 

“First, the Appointed Son’s lawyers must hurdle the doctrine of attractive nuisance. As the attractive nuisance in this case he’s liable for injuries likely caused by what attracts people to him. It’s tough because Filipino and Ukrainian ex-followers gave damning testimonies on the damage inflicted by his attractiveness.”

An incisive diagnosis right off the bat, I gushed.

“Also, the Appointed Son’s lawyers made a HUGE, HUGE mistake in demanding 17 conditions before he’d agree to appear at Senator Risa’s hearing,” he exclaimed, spewing flecks of tomato sauce. 

“What were those lightweights thinking demanding the conditions themselves?It’s an in propria persona blunder voiding in terrorem capacity to frighten the hell out of the other side. They should have issued a 17-point writ of mandamus from a Burning Bush instead. Senator Risa, you know, is God-fearing.” 

Tsk, tsk, what a statutory boo-boo. Attorney Manny further warned that the FBI’s criminal charges and those pending from the DOJ bode ”heavier punitive outcomes” than the Senate and House subpoenas.

I guess that’s why the Appointed Son is secreting himself somewhere in his vast Garden of GetSomeMoney. 

“That’s okay for now because his Four Hoarsemen in the Senate couldn’t protect him. But he can’t avoid Sen. Risa’s warrant for good, ditto the DOJ and the FBI. He needs a sound legal strategy. Although I must admit, this is the toughest case of separation of church and estate I’ve encountered.” 

Uh, it’s Church and State, I corrected him. 

“I’m referring to his separation from his church and its estate. He could be ex parted from his mansions here and abroad, his private jet, helicopter, SMNI media franchise, luxury cars, guns, various other properties, etc. 

Does the Appointed Son have any other recourse at all besides hiding from the authorities?

“Well, before any trial, he can start manifesting de facto exculpatory behavior, like ceasing and desisting from habitually asking attractive followers, ‘Can I habeas corpus tonight?’” 

Sigh. If only he’d be facing a simple Court TV trial by “Judge Judy” – she’s fair although irritable.

“That’s res judicata. A long shot, sorry. Ultimately, the only realistic way out for the Appointed Son is to render the cases against him moot.”

Moot? 

“Yes, make the law ‘lose its practical significance by resolving the issues in one way or another.’ One way is to sua sponte come out of hiding and face his prosecution.”

Of Peter and Rome

But how would that moot the charges? He’ll just be extradited by the FBI and sent to a US prison filled with gangbangers and whatnot. 

“Listen. When Peter was fleeing from persecution in Rome, he met the Risen Jesus on the road and asked Him, ‘Quo vadis, Lord?’ Jesus said he was going to Rome to be crucified again. Chastened, Peter cast aside his cowardice and turned back to embrace his martyrdom. The Appointed Son can also embrace his.”

What?! Prisoners in the US hate fellow convicts they suspect of being “cho-mos” – child molesters. The Appointed Son is also accused of sexually abusing minors. He might end up with a shiv in his back! 

“Which is precisely the point. By living up to his appointment as the Appointed Son of God, he should rise bodily to Heaven mooting the charges against him beyond reasonable doubt! Want some pan de sal and sardinas?”

Amazing! As usual, Attorney Manny Obra hit the nail on the head. Thanking him profusely, I asked how much I owed for his spiritually comforting counsel. 

“Nothing. Pro bono. It’s just plain common sense. Next time bring me a tougher nut to crack.” – Rappler.com

Rene Ciria Cruz is an editor at PositivelyFilipino.com. He edited the book A Time to Rise: Collective Memoirs of the Union of Democratic Filipinos (KDP), (UP Press), and was Inquirer.net’s US Bureau Chief 2013-2023. He has written for the San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco Chronicle, Pacific News Service, and California Lawyer Magazine