New School features opinion pieces by young writers, highlighting youth issues and perspectives.

During childhood, one question that people would ask us is, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” This question is repeated over and over again as we climb up the academic ladder. To some degree, it relates to other questions like, “Anong strand pipiliin mo?” or “Anong first choice mo sa college appli?”

When asked a year ago, I would be steadfast in my answer: “I want to become a doctor.”

But why would I want to be a doctor, you ask?

I dream of serving the people. I dream of the day when the first question that patients would ask is no longer, “Dok, magkano po ba ang aabutin?” From then on, I could say that we had alleviated the plight of the Philippine healthcare sector.

But having seen the world’s situation, and most especially the Philippines’, my dream is no longer filled with excitement — it is now filled with fear.

Within the context of the pandemic, it is not only the fear of becoming a “Google Doc” that creeps into my heart. Aside from being afraid of turning out to be a half-baked-accelerated-med kid who got his degree online, what I fear more is that I will betray the self I knew two years ago — my idealist self.

For context, during college application season, I was dead set on either of two choices: the BS Public Health program of UP Manila, or the LEAPMed program of UST. I was torn between the two; I was choosing between prestigious programs from two of the best medical schools in the country. In the end, however, I chose the latter, and justified that choice by saying that my “para sa bayan” self would not die out.

I always asserted and justified that I would 100% stay in the Philippines to serve our people. My conversations with friends would end up with me proclaiming that the Philippines is a really young country and that we have recently recovered from the numerous setbacks of WW2 and Martial Law – and that migrating to another country would guarantee our status as a second-class citizen in a foreign society. I would try to convince everyone to at least have plans to come back – because there would be no one else to contribute to our national development but us alone.

Fast-forward to the time of the unending community quarantine roulette extravaganza, the COVID-19 pandemic, and the idealist in me is slowly fading away into the world of realities and practicalities. Nagpapasakop na ako sa sistema.

But from where should someone like me take inspiration –

When his daily social media feed is filled with a neverending stream of healthcare workers crying for help?

When his piles of Pharmacology reviewers are of no match against those who continue to campaign for cattle dewormers instead of efficacious vaccines?

When his campus tour experience is solely within the pixelated environment of Facebook livestreams and reposts of throwback photos?

When his idea of college is only the digital environment of Blackboard, Zoom, and the Respondus Lockdown Browser?

When all news points to the possibility of finishing his entire premed degree online?

When some of the people he once knew are now statistics in the COVID-19 death count?

When there are zero assurances of ever being able to apply the things he has learned from online class?

Now, should my past self be ashamed of this tarnished love for country when all things point to never being able to properly serve the country at all?

The idea of high school and college being the best years of one’s life no longer applies to the pandemic-hit generation of learners. Years’ worth of hardship would normally have been rewarded with a memorable graduation ceremony topped-off with unforgettable afterparties – but in our case, our blood, sweat, bills, and tears will be rewarded with an emailed PDF diploma partnered with a Facebook slideshow.

Healthcare workers are resigning left and right; students are dropping out of class; children are missing out on developmental milestones; those capable of helping the nation are now choosing to leave for greener pastures.

Worse of all, there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel. The government still fails to acknowledge that the pandemic is about science and health, not military and war. We remain to be stuck in a cinema hallway where the featured blockbuster titles are “Winarak,” “A Whiff of Corruption,” and “The Best Communicator.” After all, the pandemic response appears to be nothing more than a work of showbiz.

It is easy for policymakers to set aside the educational sector and prioritize politics and the economy in their plans.

But the damage of poor pandemic response is not just economic. – Rappler.com

Kurt Gutierrez is an accelerated pre-medical student under the LEAPMed program of the University of Santo Tomas-Faculty of Medicine & Surgery. His interests include politics, education, technology, art, and the integration of humanities in medicine.

Voices is Rappler’s home for opinions from readers of all backgrounds, persuasions, and ages; analyses from advocacy leaders and subject matter experts; and reflections and editorials from Rappler staff. 

You may submit pieces for review to opinion@rappler.com.