“Ano’ng gagawin mo kung wagas kumembot si junior mo?”

(What would you do if your son started dancing effeminately?)

Coming out of the closet is a terrifying dilemma for any LGBTQ+ kid. The step is ridden with the fear of rejection, shame, and alienation from their own home weighing on their shoulders – among other things.

But what if we assured them that there is nothing to be scared of in the first place?

This was the online discussion Thursday, March 4, after a father posted the following TikTok video in Dad Bud Ph, a Facebook community for Filipino fathers, with the prompt, “Ano’ng gagawin ‘nyo ’pag nakita ’nyo si junior na ganito (What would you do if you see your son dance like this)?”

The TikTok in question featured a young boy playfully dancing to a remix of K-pop boy band BIGBANG’s hit song “BANG BANG BANG” with a seemingly disapproving older man watching from behind – presumably the boy’s relative.

Joey Ong, founder and administrator of Dad Bud Ph, said he was initially reluctant to approve the post. He was worried that it would attract bigoted responses. But he risked it anyway, knowing he had gay dads in the community who could spark more open-minded conversations.

To his surprise, the fathers rushed in to engage in a staggering slew of wholesome and positive responses, preaching love and acceptance for their kids.

A few fathers even challenged the video, saying they’d join their kids and teach them how to kembot better.

Some shared their heartwarming experiences with effeminate family members. They emphasized the need to show them that love always wins, even at home.

“Wala naman tayo sa old times na sinasaktan ang mga bata para maging straight (We’re no longer part of the generation that abused their kids into being straight),” one father said. 

“Instead of doing that for our children, let’s educate them of what’s right and what’s wrong. Teach them to love themselves more.”

Joe Carlo, a member of the online community, uploaded screenshots of the inspiring discussion thread on his Twitter account on Friday, March 5. “I was moved by the wholesome responses of these fathers,” he said.

“Proud to be part of a new generation of dads na bukas ang isipan sa pagtanggap sa mga anak kahit ano pa ang maging gender orientation nila (I’m proud to be part of a new generation of dads who accept and support their kids regardless of their gender orientation),” he said.

Sign of the times

As of posting, the Twitter thread gained over 1,800 retweets and 9,300 likes. Most netizens expressed their admiration for the fathers’ heartfelt sentiments. Others noted the progress in the almost unanimous response.

In 2019, a Pew Research report revealed that around 73% of Filipinos think that homosexuality should be accepted by society – the highest acceptance rate among Asian participants. It’s likely that the warm responses of the fathers reflect this growing societal change.

Despite this, members of the LGBTQ+ community said respect outweighs acceptance. They continue to struggle with widespread discrimination today.

In August 2019, Gretchen Diez was barred from using the women’s restroom by a janitress. Police arrested at least 20 supporters during the 2020 Pride March.

In September 2020, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte granted absolute pardon to US Marine Joseph Scott Pemberton, who was convicted in the murder of Filipina transgender woman Jennifer Laude in October 2014.

In November of the same year, the LGBTQ+ community criticized Coalition of Concerned Families of the Philippines lawyer Lyndon Caña and House Deputy Speaker Eddie Villanueva for their homophobic remarks during a House hearing for the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Expression (SOGIE) bill. – Rappler.com

Indira Nivera is a Communication Arts student at De La Salle University-Manila and a Digital Communications volunteer at Rappler. When she’s not geeking out or chasing deadlines, she’s either baking treats in the kitchen or memorizing Britney Spears lyrics.